¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

My dream house

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¹Ú*À²
2024-03-06 874

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I'll describe about my dream house.
I want a house that have a pool, a library and a cat's room.
Because, I like to swim still now with my family.
Also, my one of the wishes is read all the books in the world.
Lastly, I like cats the most in the animals so I would like to put cat's room for my cat.
And I want a beautiful ocean.
So I want Hawaii to build my house.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Julie, thank you for working on your homework. Here are some changes for you to review. The sentences have been simplified for better understanding and rewritten for clarity. I've also made some grammar corrections. Keep up the good works!
Sincerely,  
^^ T. Ara

I'll describe about my dream house.
>>> I will describe my dream house. 
I want a house that have a pool, a library and a cat's room.
>>> It would have a pool, a library, and a room specifically for my cat. 
Because, I like to swim still now with my family.
>>> I love swimming with my family, and it's a favorite activity of ours. 
Also, my one of the wishes is read all the books in the world.
>>> Reading all the books in the world is one of my wishes, so a library is a must-have. 
Lastly, I like cats the most in the animals so I would like to put cat's room for my cat.
>>> Cats are my favorite animals, so I want a special room just for my cat. 
And I want a beautiful ocean.
>>> And I dream of having a house with a beautiful ocean view, 
So I want Hawaii to build my house.
>>> so I'd love to build it in Hawaii.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
129370 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-07-07 0
129369 HOMEWORK FOR 05/15 Á¶*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-07 1
129368 WRITING TASK: What would you like to share about Korea that most... ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2023-07-07 4
129367 HOMEWORK FOR 05/12 Á¶*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-07 1
129366 Homework ¼Û*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-07 1341
129365 Do you think people who exercise are happier than those who... ¹Ý* ¿Ï·á 2023-07-07 2053
129364 7.7.Fri Ȳ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-07-07 1282
129363 7.6.Thu Ȳ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-07-07 908
129362 Myhomework Àü*¼± ¿Ï·á 2023-07-07 2332
129361 Myhomework Àü*¼± ¿Ï·á 2023-07-07 1457
129360 What do you think is the biggest change in how families are in... Àå*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-07-07 1641
129359 homework Àå*¼® ¿Ï·á 2023-07-07 1029
129358 How does one\'s character influence their behavior,... ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-07-06 2
129357 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-06 1224
129356 Do you think that students should have a ticket discount in... Á¶*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-06 1723
129355 Do you hobbies that can put you at risk? Why? ¾È*½Ò ¿Ï·á 2023-07-06 1547
129354 homework 07.06 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2023-07-06 1460
129353 home work ÀÌ*±³ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-06 1510
129352 Home work ±è*¶õ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-06 1
129351 My favorite beverage ¼Û*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-07-06 1263

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04