¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

My dream house

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¹Ú*À²
2024-03-06 1340

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I'll describe about my dream house.
I want a house that have a pool, a library and a cat's room.
Because, I like to swim still now with my family.
Also, my one of the wishes is read all the books in the world.
Lastly, I like cats the most in the animals so I would like to put cat's room for my cat.
And I want a beautiful ocean.
So I want Hawaii to build my house.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Julie, thank you for working on your homework. Here are some changes for you to review. The sentences have been simplified for better understanding and rewritten for clarity. I've also made some grammar corrections. Keep up the good works!
Sincerely,  
^^ T. Ara

I'll describe about my dream house.
>>> I will describe my dream house. 
I want a house that have a pool, a library and a cat's room.
>>> It would have a pool, a library, and a room specifically for my cat. 
Because, I like to swim still now with my family.
>>> I love swimming with my family, and it's a favorite activity of ours. 
Also, my one of the wishes is read all the books in the world.
>>> Reading all the books in the world is one of my wishes, so a library is a must-have. 
Lastly, I like cats the most in the animals so I would like to put cat's room for my cat.
>>> Cats are my favorite animals, so I want a special room just for my cat. 
And I want a beautiful ocean.
>>> And I dream of having a house with a beautiful ocean view, 
So I want Hawaii to build my house.
>>> so I'd love to build it in Hawaii.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
132985 Homework ÇÏ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-12-05 2318
132984 homework ¼Õ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-05 4031
132983 What is you favorite side dish? ±Ç*¸ð ¿Ï·á 2023-12-05 2103
132982 What gives you more pleasure, lovely music, a delicious taste, a... ¿¡*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-12-05 3
132981 HOMEWORK: Please write a short paragraph about \"Do you feel bad... ¾Ù* ¿Ï·á 2023-12-05 2
132980 An interesting place in my city ÀÌ*¼º ¿Ï·á 2023-12-05 0
132979 What do you think of fast food restaurants? Àü*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-05 2
132978 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-12-05 2147
132977 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-12-05 0
132976 homework Á¤*¾È ¿Ï·á 2023-12-05 0
132975 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-12-05 1893
132974 What three languages would you like to speak, and why? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-12-05 1976
132973 Homework ¼Û*È­ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-05 1625
132972 I make a TO DO list every morning. ±è*ºó ¿Ï·á 2023-12-05 0
132971 Taking a chance ÀÓ*Áø ¿Ï·á 2023-12-05 2408
132970 Get a chance ÀÓ*Áø ¿Ï·á 2023-12-05 1726
132969 Influence children ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-05 2339
132968 Homework 4 ±Ç*Å ¿Ï·á 2023-12-05 3253
132967 What is the business center? Á¤*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-05 1132
132966 Why do we say it is safe to live on Victoria Island? ¹Ú*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-05 3

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04