¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

My dream house

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¹Ú*À²
2024-03-06 407

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I'll describe about my dream house.
I want a house that have a pool, a library and a cat's room.
Because, I like to swim still now with my family.
Also, my one of the wishes is read all the books in the world.
Lastly, I like cats the most in the animals so I would like to put cat's room for my cat.
And I want a beautiful ocean.
So I want Hawaii to build my house.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Julie, thank you for working on your homework. Here are some changes for you to review. The sentences have been simplified for better understanding and rewritten for clarity. I've also made some grammar corrections. Keep up the good works!
Sincerely,  
^^ T. Ara

I'll describe about my dream house.
>>> I will describe my dream house. 
I want a house that have a pool, a library and a cat's room.
>>> It would have a pool, a library, and a room specifically for my cat. 
Because, I like to swim still now with my family.
>>> I love swimming with my family, and it's a favorite activity of ours. 
Also, my one of the wishes is read all the books in the world.
>>> Reading all the books in the world is one of my wishes, so a library is a must-have. 
Lastly, I like cats the most in the animals so I would like to put cat's room for my cat.
>>> Cats are my favorite animals, so I want a special room just for my cat. 
And I want a beautiful ocean.
>>> And I dream of having a house with a beautiful ocean view, 
So I want Hawaii to build my house.
>>> so I'd love to build it in Hawaii.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
136231 HOMEWORK: Describe your favorite person. ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-04-09 379
136230 Do you think having siblings or being an only child is better?... ±è*¼ø ¿Ï·á 2024-04-09 455
136229 HOMEWORK: What is the best thing to do in Spring Season? ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-04-08 395
136228 homework À¯*¸° ¿Ï·á 2024-04-08 403
136227 Describe the beautiful flowers you see in spring. ÀÓ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-08 1
136226 Reflect on a challenge you faced and how you overcame it. Ȳ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-04-08 362
136225 Homework ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-08 522
136224 What is your favorite cafe? Why? ±è*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-04-08 0
136223 Where do you want to be seated in a restaurant, a smoking or a... ¸Í*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-08 356
136222 Homework Àå*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-08 275
136221 Saving something for you ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-04-08 306
136220 When is it okay to quit and when is it not okay to quit? ±è*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-04-08 0
136219 Why is it important to rest and relax during a long weekend? Ȳ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-04-08 788
136218 What are the things that you don\'t like about your city and... ½Å*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-04-08 567
136217 What novel story interests you the most? ¼Û*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-04-08 316
136216 homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-08 370
136215 putting ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-08 2
136214 pack ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-08 2
136213 2024.04.08 ¼÷Á¦ ¾ç*À² ¿Ï·á 2024-04-08 5
136212 What does the holiday stand for? Why is this holiday celebrated? ±è*¿í ¿Ï·á 2024-04-08 373

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04