¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

My dream house

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¹Ú*À²
2024-03-06 504

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I'll describe about my dream house.
I want a house that have a pool, a library and a cat's room.
Because, I like to swim still now with my family.
Also, my one of the wishes is read all the books in the world.
Lastly, I like cats the most in the animals so I would like to put cat's room for my cat.
And I want a beautiful ocean.
So I want Hawaii to build my house.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Julie, thank you for working on your homework. Here are some changes for you to review. The sentences have been simplified for better understanding and rewritten for clarity. I've also made some grammar corrections. Keep up the good works!
Sincerely,  
^^ T. Ara

I'll describe about my dream house.
>>> I will describe my dream house. 
I want a house that have a pool, a library and a cat's room.
>>> It would have a pool, a library, and a room specifically for my cat. 
Because, I like to swim still now with my family.
>>> I love swimming with my family, and it's a favorite activity of ours. 
Also, my one of the wishes is read all the books in the world.
>>> Reading all the books in the world is one of my wishes, so a library is a must-have. 
Lastly, I like cats the most in the animals so I would like to put cat's room for my cat.
>>> Cats are my favorite animals, so I want a special room just for my cat. 
And I want a beautiful ocean.
>>> And I dream of having a house with a beautiful ocean view, 
So I want Hawaii to build my house.
>>> so I'd love to build it in Hawaii.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
137221 2024.05.15 ³²*·Ê ¿Ï·á 2024-05-16 476
137220 Homework 8 ¼Û*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2024-05-16 535
137219 HOMEWORK FOR 05.16.2024 DIRECTIONS: Make a sentence using the... ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-05-16 9
137218 homework ÀÌ*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2024-05-16 428
137217 HOMEWORK FOR 05.15.2024 WRITING TASK: Are there any sentimental... ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-05-16 5
137216 which actor would you like to change places with and why ? ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-05-16 369
137215 Homework ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-05-16 533
137214 Can you imagine a life without the internet? How will you... ±è*¿í ¿Ï·á 2024-05-16 480
137213 homework ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-05-16 609
137212 How do holidays and vacations impact your overall well-being? ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-05-16 421
137211 Is a college education worth it? Are you Pro or Con? ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2024-05-15 376
137210 Do you ever have trouble with choices and making decisions? Give... Ȳ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-05-15 419
137209 Magazines or newpaper ¿ì*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-05-15 5
137208 Homework Àå*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-05-15 630
137207 Do you love yourself? Is it important to love yourself? ±è*¼ø ¿Ï·á 2024-05-15 654
137206 Could you live in another country for the rest of your life? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-05-15 1
137205 homework 05.15 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2024-05-15 505
137204 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-05-15 2
137203 What do you need to do to train for and run a marathon? ¿À*¼Ø ¿Ï·á 2024-05-15 0
137202 A high-paying job ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-05-15 375

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04