¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Bullies

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¹Ú*À²
2024-03-06 535

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I don't have any messages for bullies.
However, there are some bully students in my school.
They are usually girl, so they make-up too much and say a lot of bad words.
I try not to involved with them when I'm in the school.
Also I don't talk to them first.
But I don't scared of them because they are also same age with me.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Julie, thank you for working on your homework. Here are some changes for you to review. The sentences have been simplified for better understanding and rewritten for clarity. I've also made some grammar corrections.
Sincerely,
^^ T. Ara

I don't have any messages for bullies.
>>> CORRECT!!
However, there are some bully students in my school.
>>> However, there are some bully students in my school,
They are usually girl, so they make-up too much and say a lot of bad words.
>>> usually girls who wear a lot of makeup and say bad words.
I try not to involved with them when I'm in the school.
>>>I try not to get involved with them while I'm at school,
Also I don't talk to them first.
>>> and I don't talk to them first.
But I don't scared of them because they are also same age with me.
>>> But I'm not scared of them because they are the same age as me.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
134027 An incident that changed my life/belief. Á¤*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-19 260
134026 18.Jan.2024 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-19 1
134025 What has surprised you in a new place? ±Ç*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-01-19 3
134024 If you were going to recommend a trip to someone, would it be... ±Ç*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-01-19 3
134023 Do you prefer talking with others face to face or on the phone? ±è*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-19 5
134022 Tell me about the best message you\'ve ever received. ±è*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-19 4
134021 In your opinion, which source is more important and beneficial,... ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-01-19 1
134020 How are you good at time management À±*ºó ¿Ï·á 2024-01-19 455
134019 Homework Àå*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-19 153
134018 What are the disadvantages of not learning another language? ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-01-18 127
134017 homework 01.18 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2024-01-18 291
134016 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-01-18 186
134015 What do understand with this saying, \" If you are in Rome, do... Ȳ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-01-18 573
134014 Travel Pros and cons Ȳ*Çý ¿Ï·á 2024-01-18 376
134013 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-18 2
134012 My favorite villain ¼Û*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-01-18 557
134011 Appointment ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-01-18 317
134010 What are the advantages of spring school vacation? ¿À*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-18 0
134009 Do you still have stuffed toys until now? ±Ç*¸ð ¿Ï·á 2024-01-18 230
134008 My favorite season is.. ±è*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-18 604

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04