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영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
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또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

What is a fun winter activity that can be done indoors? How about outdoors?

작성자: 박*호
2024-03-04 2318

회원님의 영작문

There are many activities I can do at indoor gyms during the winter in Korea.
There are table tennis and badminton, which are originally indoor sports, so they are not winter activities and the screen golf is a recently popular winter activity.
There are many reasons.
First, the winter in Korea is so cold that outdoor golf is impossible, so screen golf which can be played indoors is an only alternative.
Second, it is affordable.
The cost of screen golf is one-tenth of that of an outdoor golf course.
Third, screen golf can be played even when it is raining or the weather is very hot or humid.
Fourth, I can even do it in the evening.
Fifth, the outdoor golf course is large and difficult to talk to each other, while the screen golf course is played in one room, so it is easy to talk to each other.
Screen golf, which has the above strengths, is spreading across the world beyond Korea.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Good afternoon, Sun! 

You can get some sunlight with fun outdoor activities like ice fishing, bonfire-ing, or making snow angels. Other ideas will help you make the most of your indoor time through crafting, whipping up comforting recipes, and generally adopting a slower pace. What do you think?

- Kristine ^^ 

There are many activities I can do at indoor gyms during the winter in Korea.
>> There are lots of things I can do in indoor gyms throughout the winter in Korea.
There are table tennis and badminton, which are originally indoor sports, so they are not winter activities and the screen golf is a recently popular winter activity.
>> Playing screen golf has become increasingly popular in the winter, although table tennis and badminton are not winter activities because they are originally indoor sports.
There are many reasons.
>> Correct.
First, the winter in Korea is so cold that outdoor golf is impossible, so screen golf which can be played indoors is an only alternative.
>> First, there is no way to play golf outside during winter in Korea; the only indoor option is screen golf.
Second, it is affordable.
>> Correct.
The cost of screen golf is one-tenth of that of an outdoor golf course.
>> Screen golf is 10 times less expensive than playing on an actual golf course.
Third, screen golf can be played even when it is raining or the weather is very hot or humid.
>> Correct.
Fourth, I can even do it in the evening.
>> Correct.
Fifth, the outdoor golf course is large and difficult to talk to each other, while the screen golf course is played in one room, so it is easy to talk to each other.
>> Correct. 
Or >> Fifth, although the screen golf course is played in a single room, making conversation easier, the outdoor golf course is larger and more challenging for players to interact with one another.
Screen golf, which has the above strengths, is spreading across the world beyond Korea.
>> The previously mentioned benefits of screen golf are causing it to gain popularity outside of Korea.
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