¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Write about ont of your memeorable birthday celebrations.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*À±
2024-02-23 1486

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®



I was so excited that I wrote it too long...
I'm sorry, Charmy!!!
I will replace my homework with a text file.
Have nice weekend!

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello, Yun!
I'd rather read a longer composition than one sentence. hehehe... I always appreciate your work, keep it up! I just made some minor corrections particularly the spelling that you should be more mindful of next time. 
Chammy

I think the most memorable birthday celebration was when I was in the first grade of elementary school.
Birthday celebrations used to be a great opportunity for children to build and share friendships.
When I went to other friends' birthday parties, I thought that I would like to have such a party.
I don't remember it well, I repeatedly told my mom every day before my birthday, "I'm looking forward to a nice birthday party!"
Unfortunately, my birthday was in August, and it was vacation time in Korea.
I was so sad because I couldn't invite my friends, but I heard the doorbell and I saw my friends and their parents coming in one after another.
They came in and said, "Happy birthday!" and I was surprised.
>>CORRECT
Surprisingly, my mom remebered what I said and knew it was vacation, so she contacted each of my friends' parents and invited them to my birthday party!
>>Surprisingly, my mom remembered what I said and knew it was vacation, so she contacted each of my friends' parents and invited them to my birthday party!
My mom smily said, "Happy birthday, my baby. It's a surprise gift for you!"
>>My mom happily said, "Happy birthday, my baby. It's a surprise gift for you!"
I was depressed but quickly became happy and had a great birthday party with my friends and friends' parents. It was the most amazing and happiest birthday party of my life.
>>CORRECT
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
129761 How do you think this experience will impact the lives of the... ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-07-25 2
129760 homework 07.25 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2023-07-25 2663
129759 What is the food that you dislike the most? ¼Û*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-07-25 2504
129758 actor ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-25 2984
129757 What would our life be like without computers and other digital... ±è*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-25 0
129756 What do you think is the impact to clients when you cancel a... ±¸*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-07-25 1
129755 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-07-25 1785
129754 Is it still possible for a person to become successful even if... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-07-25 2584
129753 Homework ¼Û*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-25 1704
129752 Homework ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2023-07-25 3120
129751 How can government and international cooperation play a role in... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-25 3077
129750 Homework Á¶*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-25 1905
129749 Myhomework Àü*¼± ¿Ï·á 2023-07-25 2468
129748 Homework ÀÌ*È­ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-25 2323
129747 Myhomework Àü*¼± ¿Ï·á 2023-07-25 3092
129746 Homework ±è*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-25 2214
129745 Homework JA*UNG CHUNG ¿Ï·á 2023-07-25 1867
129744 Who do you spend your free time with? what do you do toghther? ¿À*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-25 2
129743 Write about the natural disaster that happend in Korea during... ¿À*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-25 1
129742 homework ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-25 3350

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04