¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Write about ont of your memeorable birthday celebrations.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*À±
2024-02-23 1355

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®



I was so excited that I wrote it too long...
I'm sorry, Charmy!!!
I will replace my homework with a text file.
Have nice weekend!

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello, Yun!
I'd rather read a longer composition than one sentence. hehehe... I always appreciate your work, keep it up! I just made some minor corrections particularly the spelling that you should be more mindful of next time. 
Chammy

I think the most memorable birthday celebration was when I was in the first grade of elementary school.
Birthday celebrations used to be a great opportunity for children to build and share friendships.
When I went to other friends' birthday parties, I thought that I would like to have such a party.
I don't remember it well, I repeatedly told my mom every day before my birthday, "I'm looking forward to a nice birthday party!"
Unfortunately, my birthday was in August, and it was vacation time in Korea.
I was so sad because I couldn't invite my friends, but I heard the doorbell and I saw my friends and their parents coming in one after another.
They came in and said, "Happy birthday!" and I was surprised.
>>CORRECT
Surprisingly, my mom remebered what I said and knew it was vacation, so she contacted each of my friends' parents and invited them to my birthday party!
>>Surprisingly, my mom remembered what I said and knew it was vacation, so she contacted each of my friends' parents and invited them to my birthday party!
My mom smily said, "Happy birthday, my baby. It's a surprise gift for you!"
>>My mom happily said, "Happy birthday, my baby. It's a surprise gift for you!"
I was depressed but quickly became happy and had a great birthday party with my friends and friends' parents. It was the most amazing and happiest birthday party of my life.
>>CORRECT
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
130934 Can you describe a recent experience that taught you something... ÀÌ*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-11 1017
130933 What\'s an experience you\'ve had that made you feel the most... ÀÌ*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-11 1200
130932 DIRECTIONS: Make a short dialogue using \'because\' and... ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2023-09-11 3
130931 What do you do when you have complaints about a co-worker? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-11 1775
130930 When is it appropriate to complain something about your job? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-11 1708
130929 The disadvantages of taking too much medicine ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-11 2062
130928 tips ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-11 1443
130927 08.Sep.2023 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-11 1
130926 How is going to a good university important in your country? ±¸*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-09-11 2018
130925 What is the advantage of multitasking? ±¸*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-09-11 1687
130924 How do you feel when you are alone? ±¸*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-09-11 1415
130923 homework Àå*¼® ¿Ï·á 2023-09-11 1996
130922 Are there any subjects or activities you¡¯re excited to explore... ÀÓ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-11 0
130921 Homework Á¤*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-11 2444
130920 9/8 homework À±*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-09-11 1603
130919 homework Á¶*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-11 2194
130918 homework Á¶*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-11 2546
130917 what are your thoughts on teen celebrities promoting luxury... ¼Õ*¸² ¿Ï·á 2023-09-10 2143
130916 Homework °í*ö ¿Ï·á 2023-09-10 1485
130915 Homewofrk ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-09-10 1502

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04