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Homework

작성자: 김*
2024-02-21 736

회원님의 영작문



I put a photo

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Good day, Geon!
I like the way you express your thoughts on this issue and very good for choosing correct words. Keep expanding your knowledge as well as on the vocabulary part.
T. Aki~

First of all, I wouldn't like expanding the number of doctors, because it cause a lot of complicated problems.
>>> First of all, I wouldn't like to expand the number of doctors, because it causes a lot of complicated problems.

For example, there are going to be increasing of medical insurance fee, getting much more competitive medical field between doctors.
>>>  For example, there are going to be increasing medical insurance fees, creating a much more competitive medical field between doctors.

If I made a policy about medical field, I would focus on helping provincial hospitals_ It also includes expanding essential medical facilities.
>>>  If I made a policy about the medical field, I would focus on helping provincial hospitals_ It also includes expanding essential medical facilities.

It's going to be not only expanding budget but making mandatory of sharing medical technology.
>>>  It's going to be not only expanding the budget but also making it mandatory to share medical technology.

In reality, there is a technical gap between provincial and regular hospitals.
>>>  CORRECT!

So the medical accidents in province tend to happen more often then regular hospital.
>>>  So medical accidents in provinces tend to happen more often than in regular hospitals.

It's not a main purpose of doctors what they keep secret their own technology to earn a lot of money.
>>>  It's not the main purpose of doctors they keep their technology to earn a lot of money.

if they share their brand-new technology, the medical accident rate could decrease.
>>>  CORRECT!

Actually, it's infeasible sharing all technology as transparent, of course the doctors on regular hospital are going to oppose this policy, but I believe we could find a compromise point, then the standard of medical technology in Korea is going to be much stronger then now.
>>>  It's unfeasible to share all technology as transparent, of course, the doctors in regular hospitals are going to oppose this policy, but I believe we could find a compromise point, then the standard of medical technology in Korea is going to be much stronger than now.

I hope they can overcome well between doctors group and government in what way_ expanding or not.
>>>  I hope they can overcome well between doctors group and government in what way_ expanding or not.

If government decide to expand, hope they suggest proper policy what the other country did.
>>>  If the government decides to expand, hope they suggest the proper policy that the other country did.

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