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Homework

작성자: 김*
2024-02-21 145

회원님의 영작문



I put a photo

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Good day, Geon!
I like the way you express your thoughts on this issue and very good for choosing correct words. Keep expanding your knowledge as well as on the vocabulary part.
T. Aki~

First of all, I wouldn't like expanding the number of doctors, because it cause a lot of complicated problems.
>>> First of all, I wouldn't like to expand the number of doctors, because it causes a lot of complicated problems.

For example, there are going to be increasing of medical insurance fee, getting much more competitive medical field between doctors.
>>>  For example, there are going to be increasing medical insurance fees, creating a much more competitive medical field between doctors.

If I made a policy about medical field, I would focus on helping provincial hospitals_ It also includes expanding essential medical facilities.
>>>  If I made a policy about the medical field, I would focus on helping provincial hospitals_ It also includes expanding essential medical facilities.

It's going to be not only expanding budget but making mandatory of sharing medical technology.
>>>  It's going to be not only expanding the budget but also making it mandatory to share medical technology.

In reality, there is a technical gap between provincial and regular hospitals.
>>>  CORRECT!

So the medical accidents in province tend to happen more often then regular hospital.
>>>  So medical accidents in provinces tend to happen more often than in regular hospitals.

It's not a main purpose of doctors what they keep secret their own technology to earn a lot of money.
>>>  It's not the main purpose of doctors they keep their technology to earn a lot of money.

if they share their brand-new technology, the medical accident rate could decrease.
>>>  CORRECT!

Actually, it's infeasible sharing all technology as transparent, of course the doctors on regular hospital are going to oppose this policy, but I believe we could find a compromise point, then the standard of medical technology in Korea is going to be much stronger then now.
>>>  It's unfeasible to share all technology as transparent, of course, the doctors in regular hospitals are going to oppose this policy, but I believe we could find a compromise point, then the standard of medical technology in Korea is going to be much stronger than now.

I hope they can overcome well between doctors group and government in what way_ expanding or not.
>>>  I hope they can overcome well between doctors group and government in what way_ expanding or not.

If government decide to expand, hope they suggest proper policy what the other country did.
>>>  If the government decides to expand, hope they suggest the proper policy that the other country did.

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[마이페이지 > 수업 내용 보기 > 학습 캘린더 > 영작교정 버튼 클릭]

수업 횟수만큼 영작교정 게시판이 생성되며,
지난 날짜에도 게시 할 수 있습니다.

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01
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첨부 파일은 원활한 첨삭을 위한 참고자료로 사용될 뿐,
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문서 - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
이미지 - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
전문 분야를 제외한 회원님이 직접 작성한 글만
첨삭이 가능하며,

올려주신 글의 강사님 첨삭은 24시간 이내에
완료 되는 것을 원칙으로 하고 있습니다.
03
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04

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