¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Being a child

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¹Ú*À²
2024-02-21 1162

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think being a child is better than being an adult.
It's because, if we being an adult, we should get a job to live ourselves.
Our parents would not take care of us anymore so we should live our own life.
And when we being a child, we can only play, eat and sleep.
Study and education is not important at that time.
Also, many adult tell us that being an adult is very hard so they want to be a child again.
Therefore, being a child is better than being an adult.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello! Well done on submitting your homework. The corrections aim to improve clarity, coherence, and consistency in the expression of ideas while maintaining grammatical accuracy.

I think being a child is better than being an adult.
>>> CORRECT!!
It's because, if we being an adult, we should get a job to live ourselves.
It's because, as adults, we have to get a job to support ourselves. 
Our parents would not take care of us anymore so we should live our own life.
Our parents won't take care of us anymore, so we have to live our own lives. 
And when we being a child, we can only play, eat and sleep.
When we were children, we could just play, eat, and sleep. 
Study and education is not important at that time.
Study and education were not as important back then. 
Also, many adult tell us that being an adult is very hard so they want to be a child again.
Also, many adults tell us that being an adult is very hard, and they wish they could be children again. 
Therefore, being a child is better than being an adult.
>>> CORRECT!!
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
128637 What are the effects of global warning? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-06-03 1562
128636 What makes you happy? Why? ¾Ù* ¿Ï·á 2023-06-03 1
128635 Homework ¿À*ºó ¿Ï·á 2023-06-03 0
128634 Myhomework Àü*¼± ¿Ï·á 2023-06-02 1325
128633 Bad mood.. ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-06-02 1361
128632 homework 06.02 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2023-06-02 1796
128631 homework ¾È*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-02 1425
128630 Which do you prefer: addressing a complaint over the telephone... ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-02 1
128629 What is the best song for you? ÀÓ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-02 2
128628 The season now in my country ¼Û*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-06-02 2264
128627 What is your biggest dream in life? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-06-02 1440
128626 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-02 0
128625 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-02 0
128624 Life is university! ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-06-02 1479
128623 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-06-02 2
128622 I don\'t do it. À±*Çý ¿Ï·á 2023-06-02 1915
128621 Friday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-06-02 2080
128620 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-06-02 1
128619 What do you think about taking a nap? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-02 1794
128618 Which among your goals have you already achieved? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-02 1182

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04