¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Being a child

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¹Ú*À²
2024-02-21 1073

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think being a child is better than being an adult.
It's because, if we being an adult, we should get a job to live ourselves.
Our parents would not take care of us anymore so we should live our own life.
And when we being a child, we can only play, eat and sleep.
Study and education is not important at that time.
Also, many adult tell us that being an adult is very hard so they want to be a child again.
Therefore, being a child is better than being an adult.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello! Well done on submitting your homework. The corrections aim to improve clarity, coherence, and consistency in the expression of ideas while maintaining grammatical accuracy.

I think being a child is better than being an adult.
>>> CORRECT!!
It's because, if we being an adult, we should get a job to live ourselves.
It's because, as adults, we have to get a job to support ourselves. 
Our parents would not take care of us anymore so we should live our own life.
Our parents won't take care of us anymore, so we have to live our own lives. 
And when we being a child, we can only play, eat and sleep.
When we were children, we could just play, eat, and sleep. 
Study and education is not important at that time.
Study and education were not as important back then. 
Also, many adult tell us that being an adult is very hard so they want to be a child again.
Also, many adults tell us that being an adult is very hard, and they wish they could be children again. 
Therefore, being a child is better than being an adult.
>>> CORRECT!!
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
129816 Homework ÁÖ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-28 2872
129815 Homework Á¤*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-28 2053
129814 Greetings ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-07-28 2730
129813 7/26 homework °­*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-28 1
129812 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-27 2292
129811 How do you judge food? By taste, appearance, smell, or feel? Can... ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-07-27 2
129810 Homework Á¶*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-27 2148
129809 homework 07.27 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2023-07-27 3881
129808 My favorite side dish ¼Û*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-07-27 2322
129807 Which sport don\'t you like to try? ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-07-27 2362
129806 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-07-27 3055
129805 What do you usually do when you get home from sports camp? ÀÓ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-27 0
129804 How do you pursue your passions? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-07-27 3049
129803 WRITING TASK: How old do you think children should be before... ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2023-07-27 2
129802 What would motivate you to continue working out? Áö* ¿Ï·á 2023-07-27 0
129801 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-07-27 0
129800 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-07-27 1
129799 Homework ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-27 3268
129798 How can self-introduction help build a relationship? ¹Ú*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-27 1994
129797 Homework ½Å*È­ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-27 2589

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04