¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Being a child

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¹Ú*À²
2024-02-21 1496

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think being a child is better than being an adult.
It's because, if we being an adult, we should get a job to live ourselves.
Our parents would not take care of us anymore so we should live our own life.
And when we being a child, we can only play, eat and sleep.
Study and education is not important at that time.
Also, many adult tell us that being an adult is very hard so they want to be a child again.
Therefore, being a child is better than being an adult.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello! Well done on submitting your homework. The corrections aim to improve clarity, coherence, and consistency in the expression of ideas while maintaining grammatical accuracy.

I think being a child is better than being an adult.
>>> CORRECT!!
It's because, if we being an adult, we should get a job to live ourselves.
It's because, as adults, we have to get a job to support ourselves. 
Our parents would not take care of us anymore so we should live our own life.
Our parents won't take care of us anymore, so we have to live our own lives. 
And when we being a child, we can only play, eat and sleep.
When we were children, we could just play, eat, and sleep. 
Study and education is not important at that time.
Study and education were not as important back then. 
Also, many adult tell us that being an adult is very hard so they want to be a child again.
Also, many adults tell us that being an adult is very hard, and they wish they could be children again. 
Therefore, being a child is better than being an adult.
>>> CORRECT!!
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
134555 How often do you shopping? ÃÖ*¼º ¿Ï·á 2024-02-07 1
134554 2/6 homework ³ë*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-07 1
134553 Describe a memorable holiday you have had. Where did you go?... ÃÖ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-07 2687
134552 Homework ±Ç*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-02-07 4
134551 essay 1 ¼Û*½Â ¿Ï·á 2024-02-07 2498
134550 How important is customer service in your job? Do you agree that... õ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-02-07 1972
134549 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-02-07 1842
134548 Scientists make more contribution to the world. ¼­*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-07 3070
134547 Are there countries that you will never visit? ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-02-07 2540
134546 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-02-07 139
134545 homework5 ÇÑ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-07 4
134544 What are some reasons why some people are afraid of public... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2024-02-07 2272
134543 Homework À±*¼± ¿Ï·á 2024-02-07 2684
134542 what are the pros and cons of uniforms for school kids ? ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-07 2110
134541 homework 2024-02-07 ÀÌ*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2024-02-07 2
134540 Driving ÀÓ*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-02-07 2177
134539 Jibber-jabber ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-07 1
134538 The image of tourism ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-07 1564
134537 How has tourism in your country changed or improved compared to... õ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-02-07 2285
134536 homework À¯*¸° ¿Ï·á 2024-02-06 2

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04