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영작교정 게시판

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자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
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담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
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How does spending time at the beach contribute to your relaxation and happiness ?

작성자: 박*호
2024-02-14 1550

회원님의 영작문

Even though it is getting reducing and young workers tend not to work overtime, Korean workers still spend a lot of time at their companies.
As I knew,Korea is one of the countries where workers work the longest.
In fact, when I was a freshman at my first job, about over 30 years ago, I used to go to the office looking at the stars at dawn and then left the office looking at the evening moon.
So spending time at the beach during the summer vacation which usually given once a year, is so precious to me because I can forget my work for a while and be faithful to myself and my family.
And after being back to work, it is also a great hapiness for me to talk with my family while remembering fun memories during the last vacation.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hey there, Sun! 

Why is being in the ocean relaxing?
This is because water triggers the parasympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for the body's 'rest and digest' response. In this state, your heart rate and blood pressure lowers, your digestion is stimulated and your body is able to relax.

- Kristine ^^ 

Even though it is getting reducing and young workers tend not to work overtime, Korean workers still spend a lot of time at their companies.
>> Korean workers still spend a lot of time at their companies, despite the fact that the workforce has gotten older and younger workers are less likely to put in extra hours.
As I knew,Korea is one of the countries where workers work the longest.
>> Correct. 
In fact, when I was a freshman at my first job, about over 30 years ago, I used to go to the office looking at the stars at dawn and then left the office looking at the evening moon.
>> In fact, when I was a freshman at my first job, about 30 years ago, I used to go to the office looking at the stars at dawn and then leave the office looking at the evening moon.
So spending time at the beach during the summer vacation which usually given once a year, is so precious to me because I can forget my work for a while and be faithful to myself and my family.
>> Correct. 
And after being back to work, it is also a great hapiness for me to talk with my family while remembering fun memories during the last vacation.
>> And after being back to work, it is also a great feeling for me to talk with my family while remembering fun memories from the last vacation.
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