¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Control And Hide My Anger

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¹Ú*À²
2024-02-13 857

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

When I was younger, it was hard that control and hide my anger for me, because I was so young.
So I had to express my anger to solve my feelings.
But now I become more logical and grow up than that.
I can tell my real feelings and control my anger.
Of course, I sometimes can't control, but I try to control and hide my anger while talking.
We should speak kindly for me and for others.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Julie! Well done in submitting your homework regularly. 
These corrections aim to improve the clarity and grammatical accuracy of the text. I hope it helps.
Sincerely, 
^^ T. Ara

When I was younger, it was hard that control and hide my anger for me, because I was so young.
>>> When I was younger, it was hard for me to control and hide my anger because I was so young.
So I had to express my anger to solve my feelings.
>>> So, I had to express my anger to deal with my feelings. 
But now I become more logical and grow up than that.
>>> But now, I have become more logical and mature. 
I can tell my real feelings and control my anger.
>>> I can express my true feelings and control my anger. 
Of course, I sometimes can't control, but I try to control and hide my anger while talking.
>>> Of course, there are times when I can't control it, but I try to manage and conceal my anger while talking. 
We should speak kindly for me and for others.
>>> We should speak kindly to me and to others.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
134597 Do you think cultural traditions should be preserved or changed?... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2024-02-09 1219
134596 Describe what a perfect weekend is like for you ¿À*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-02-09 915
134595 Who is the most famous celebrity in Korea right now? Why do you... ±è*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-02-09 1144
134594 Holiday ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-09 1
134593 homework ±è*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-02-09 841
134592 homework ¹Ú*Çý ¿Ï·á 2024-02-08 1185
134591 Why english fluency significant for you? ¿À*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-02-08 1178
134590 What is our skin for? ÃÖ*¼º ¿Ï·á 2024-02-08 2
134589 home work ÃÖ*¼Ø ¿Ï·á 2024-02-08 1115
134588 Making others feel like they\'re on top of the world ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-02-08 1482
134587 What is the meaning of beauty ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-02-08 0
134586 Some topics we should be careful ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-02-08 0
134585 What five words do you think most describe you? ¼Û*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-02-08 1679
134584 Discuss a memorable experience you had while traveling. ÃÖ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-08 701
134583 Homework ±Ç*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-02-08 2046
134582 homework ±è*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-02-08 932
134581 homework ±è*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-02-08 1277
134580 homework ±è*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-02-08 1176
134579 What do you not like about the advertisement nowadays? Why? ±è*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-02-08 1
134578 WRITING TASK: Which new technological tool are you looking... ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-02-08 6

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04