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How was joining the traditional musical instrument club beneficial for you?

작성자: 윤*빈
2024-02-02 579

회원님의 영작문

I really liked joining the traditional musical instrument. Most of organizations is good for socializing. In my case, It was quiet different experience from other clubs. It was difficult to find like this club. Fortunately, my friend suggested this club and I appreciated it. If you want to learn about an instrument that almost of people don’t know how to play it or teach them it, you should need to hire someone who is professional about that. In addition, It could be a good part of my life. Although I am shy person, I was confident in front of audiences as we played instruments together. It give me good impressions. Also, the music helps us happier and healthier mentally. I always strongly recommend friends or young people having a habit of playing an instrument even a piano.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Thank you for this Yoon! 

I really liked joining the traditional musical instrument. 
>>> correct  
Most of organizations is good for socializing. 
>>>  Most of organizations are good for socializing. 
In my case, It was quiet different experience from other clubs. 
>>>   In my case, It was quite a different experience from other clubs. 
It was difficult to find like this club. 
>>> It was difficult to find this kind of club.   
Fortunately, my friend suggested this club and I appreciated it.
>>> correct  
If you want to learn about an instrument that almost of people don’t know how to play it or teach them it, you should need to hire someone who is professional about that. 
>>> If you want to learn about an instrument that almost all people don’t know how to play or teach, you would need to hire someone who is a professional about that.  
In addition, It could be a good part of my life. 
>>> correct   
Although I am a shy person, I was confident in front of audiences as we played instruments together. 
>>>  correct  
It give me good impressions. 
>>>  It gave me a good impression.
>>> OR: It left me with a good impression. 
Also, the music helps us happier and healthier mentally. 
>>>   Also, music helps us to be happier and healthier mentally. 
I always strongly recommend friends or young people having a habit of playing an instrument even a piano.
>>>   I always strongly recommend friends or young people to have a  a habit of playing an instrument even playing the piano.

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