무료 레벨테스트 받고 강사평가 남기면 1,OOO원 쿠폰 즉시 적립!

혹시 사이트에선 찾지 못한 궁금한 점이 있으세요?
남겨주신 이메일을 통해 답변 드리겠습니다.

문의하신 내용이 문자로 발송되오니
연락처를 남겨주세요.
업무시간 월~금 오전9시~오후6시
(점심시간 낮12시~오후1시)

영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

How can individuals maintain a healthy balance between virtual and real-life experiences?

작성자: 김*경
2024-02-02 2525

회원님의 영작문

I think gamers' confusing between virtual life and real one might be brought about by too many hours of exposure to games. So, gamers are to be careful to be moderate about games, it is important to refrain from excessive playing games to the point to damage their mental or physical health.
However, it is easier said than done because of its additive characters. Therefore, gamers can be helped by those around them to contain themselves. In this regard, solitary people can be more likely to be addicted to games. As many pundits have attributed many juvenile delinquencies to the video games full of aggressive contents or obscene scenes, we need to approach this matter in the matter of social problems, such as to set up sanctions for violent games for those under 18. Also, our society should share its dangers with all members to make effective countermeasures against them.
Our youngsters vulnerable to games are our future that we need to make the utmost to keep them safe from dangers.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi there Steve! Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I completely agree with your suggestion that gamers should be cautious and moderate in their gaming habits and prioritize their mental and physical well-being. It's important to remember that taking breaks and engaging in other activities can help to prevent burnout and ensure a healthy balance. Once again, thanks for sharing your composition!

T. JAMIE


I think gamers' confusing between virtual life and real one might be brought about by too many hours of exposure to games.
>>I believe that gamers' confusion between virtual life and real life might be brought about by spending too many hours playing games.

So, gamers are to be careful to be moderate about games, it is important to refrain from excessive playing games to the point to damage their mental or physical health.
>>So, gamers need to be careful and moderate their gaming habits; it is important to refrain from excessive playing, as it can potentially damage their mental and physical health.

However, it is easier said than done because of its additive characters.
>>However, it is easier said than done because of its addictive characteristics.

Therefore, gamers can be helped by those around them to contain themselves.
>>CORRECT
OR>> Therefore, gamers can be assisted by those around them in controlling themselves.

In this regard, solitary people can be more likely to be addicted to games.
>>CORRECT
OR >> In this regard, individuals who tend to be solitary may be more prone to developing a gaming addiction.

As many pundits have attributed many juvenile delinquencies to the video games full of aggressive contents or obscene scenes, we need to approach this matter in the matter of social problems, such as to set up sanctions for violent games for those under 18. 
>>As many pundits have attributed juvenile delinquencies to video games with aggressive or obscene content, we need to address this issue as a social problem. Implementing sanctions for violent games for those under 18 could be one approach.

Also, our society should share its dangers with all members to make effective countermeasures against them.
>>CORRECT
OR >> Furthermore, our society should communicate the dangers associated with these issues to all members to devise and implement effective countermeasures.

Our youngsters vulnerable to games are our future that we need to make the utmost to keep them safe from dangers.
>>CORRECT
OR>> Our youngsters, who are vulnerable to the influence of games, represent our future. It is crucial that we make every effort to keep them safe from potential dangers.



번호 제목 글쓴이 공개 상태 등록일 조회수
140476 an hour 민*정 완료 2024-10-17 1
140475 Respect my dauters\' decision. 양*연 완료 2024-10-17 1075
140474 Homework 노*철 완료 2024-10-17 1119
140473 Have you done the MBTI? What was the result
? Do you agree... 인*빈 완료 2024-10-17 1206
140472 what are the benefits of collecting? 김*린 완료 2024-10-17 1126
140471 16.Oct.2024 김*정 완료 2024-10-16 1
140470 What do you think of the death penalty? 김*규 완료 2024-10-16 1
140469 Homework 오*봄 완료 2024-10-16 0
140468 homework 이*숙 완료 2024-10-16 2079
140467 Home work 신*라 완료 2024-10-16 991
140466 What would you do if you had a few extra hours daily? 신*규 완료 2024-10-16 903
140465 Homework 김*우 완료 2024-10-16 2
140464 Ideal 임*준 완료 2024-10-16 994
140463 Do you think abortion should be legal or illegal? 이*윤 완료 2024-10-16 1133
140462 homework 김*현 완료 2024-10-16 1009
140461 My memorable vacation 정*영 완료 2024-10-16 7
140460 Q) What should people do to avoid getting sick? 최*영 완료 2024-10-16 0
140459 What are your thoughts on palm reading? 이*희 완료 2024-10-16 3
140458 Homework 노*철 완료 2024-10-16 1100
140457 Do you have a bedtime routine? If so, what do you do? 이*범 완료 2024-10-16 2

HOW TO USE IT?

[마이페이지 > 수업 내용 보기 > 학습 캘린더 > 영작교정 버튼 클릭]

수업 횟수만큼 영작교정 게시판이 생성되며,
지난 날짜에도 게시 할 수 있습니다.

주5회 수업 : 월 20회 이용 가능
주3회 수업 : 월 12회 이용 가능
주2회 수업 : 월 08회 이용 가능
01
교정 내용은 최대 1,000byte까지 올릴 수 있습니다.

첨부 파일은 원활한 첨삭을 위한 참고자료로 사용될 뿐,
파일에 대한 첨삭은 불가능 합니다.

업로드 가능한 첨부 파일은 최대 2mb까지이며,
첨부 할 수 있는 파일 형식은 다음과 같습니다.

문서 - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
이미지 - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
전문 분야를 제외한 회원님이 직접 작성한 글만
첨삭이 가능하며,

올려주신 글의 강사님 첨삭은 24시간 이내에
완료 되는 것을 원칙으로 하고 있습니다.
03
하루 게시 가능한 글은 3회까지 이며,
종료된 수업의 영작교정 게시판은
이용이 어려운 점 양해 부탁 드립니다.
04

와이즈에듀케이션아이(주) 사이트명: 파워잉글리쉬 대표이사 전상현
사업자등록번호: 217-81-44736 통신판매신고번호: 2014-서울도봉-0233호
서울본사: 서울시 노원구 한글비석로 245 두타빌 B동 7층 713호
대표번호 1688-8672 개인정보관리 책임자: 안희영 [powerenglish@pweng.net]