¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What could be the solution for the decline of the birth rate in your country?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Ȳ*Àº
2024-01-31 793

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think the decline of the birth rate derives from the unsatisfacting life. They don't think they can afford children.
But why are they not satisfied to their life? Most people want to enter good university, good firm and good house but I think that's not what they really want. Since we were young, we have been educated to 'just' do something and we didn't have many chance to express ourselves so we don't know what we want well and we just eager what others eager. Everyone wants same thing(to live in Seoul, make lots of money and enter big company). So the competition became tougher and we earn less with more effort. That's why we think our lives are tough.
So to solve the declining population problem, I think the competition has to be loosened. Our education has to be changed and policies should also be followed for people not to quit doing what they want. Another big city as Seoul is needed. We need to be dispersed. Instant solution will be giving money.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Seoung Eun!
I truly admire your dedication to this class. Whenever I ask you to write homework, you don't put yourself into it but you make sure you express your thoughts concerning a matter. Great job and keep the passion alive!
T. Aki~

I think the decline of the birth rate derives from the unsatisfacting life. 
>>> I think the decline in the birth rate derives from an unsatisfying life. 

They don't think they can afford children.
>>> They don't think they can afford to have children.

But why are they not satisfied to their life? Most people want to enter good university, good firm and good house but I think that's not what they really want.
>>> But why are they not satisfied with their life? Most people want to enter a good university, a good firm, and have a good house but I think that's not what they want.

Since we were young, we have been educated to 'just' do something and we didn't have many chance to express ourselves so we don't know what we want well and we just eager what others eager.
>>> Since we were young, we have been educated to 'just' do something and we didn't have many chances to express ourselves so we don't know what we want well, and we are just eager because that's what others are.

Everyone wants same thing(to live in Seoul, make lots of money and enter big company).
>>> Everyone wants the same thing(to live in Seoul, make lots of money, and enter a big company).

So the competition became tougher and we earn less with more effort. That's why we think our lives are tough.
>>> So the competition becomes tougher and we earned less with more effort. That's why we think that our lives are tough.

So to solve the declining population problem, I think the competition has to be loosened.
>>> CORRECT!

Our education has to be changed and policies should also be followed for people not to quit doing what they want.
>>> CORRECT!

Another big city as Seoul is needed. We need to be dispersed. Instant solution will be giving money.
>>>  Another big city like Seoul is needed. We need to be dispersed. An instant solution will be giving money.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
137960 HOMEWORK Á¤*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-20 565
137959 Fix the relationship with my friend ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-20 593
137958 Homework ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-06-20 776
137957 What kind of people do you like to meet? ¹Ú*°æ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-20 650
137956 Why is it simpler to be nervous than confident in most... ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-06-20 452
137955 Homework ¿À*º½ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-20 0
137954 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-06-19 7
137953 Can sadness be useful in people¡¯s lives? Çö* ¿Ï·á 2024-06-19 2
137952 TV ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-06-19 590
137951 Homework Àå*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-19 569
137950 Bad habits ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-19 792
137949 homework ±è*º° ¿Ï·á 2024-06-19 1
137948 Does talking about a sad experience help make the person feel... ÃÖ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-19 2
137947 homework 11 ¼Û*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-19 755
137946 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-06-19 1
137945 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-06-19 0
137944 HOMEWORK DAY 4 ±è*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2024-06-19 707
137943 6/19 ¿ì*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-06-19 1
137942 Wearing uniforms enhances school pride, unity, and community... ¾È*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-06-19 768
137941 homework ÀÌ*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2024-06-19 657

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04