¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

homework 01.29

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÃÖ*Ç
2024-01-29 1548

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
What¡¯s the best thing to do to keep your skin healthy?

I had good skin until when I was a student.
Everyone around me said to me my skin looks like a baby skin.
But, I became an adult, and my skin changed a normal skin.
In my opinion, the lifestyle patterns are important for skin healthy.
Among them, I think eating habits and cosmetics the most important.
Bad eating habits make our unhealthy body and bad skin.
I also had a bad eating habit for a long time, so my skin became worse than before.
And, the next important thing is the cosmetics you use for your skin care.
Many people use cosmetics to take care of their skin or makeup.
Sometimes this is help for our good skin, but if it doesn't suit me, it's poison to me.
Other than that, I think we have to go to the dermatologist often like celebrities.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Keon!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille


~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
What¡¯s the best thing to do to keep your skin healthy?


I had good skin until when I was a student.
>> I had a good skin until I was a student.
Everyone around me said to me my skin looks like a baby skin.
>> Everyone around me said to me my skin is similar to a baby's skin.
But, I became an adult, and my skin changed a normal skin.
>> But, as I become an adult, my skin changed into a normal skin.
In my opinion, the lifestyle patterns are important for our skin healthy.
>> In my opinion, the lifestyle patterns are important for our skin to be healthy.
Among them, I think eating habits and cosmetics the most important.
>> Among them, I think eating habits and cosmetics are the most important.
Bad eating habits make our unhealthy body and bad skin.
>> Bad eating habits make our bodies unhealthy and skin becomes bad.
I also had a bad eating habit for a long time, so my skin became worse than before.
>> CORRECT!
And, the next important thing is the cosmetics you use for your skin care.
>> CORRECT!
Many people use cosmetics to take care of their skin or makeup.
>> CORRECT!
Sometimes this is help for our good skin, but if it doesn't suit me, it's poison to me.
>> Sometimes this is helpful for our good skin, but if it doesn't suit me, it's poison to me.
Other than that, I think we have to go to the dermatologist often like celebrities.
>> CORRECT!

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
131735 Is it important to compare ourselves to others? Why or why not? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2023-10-18 1502
131734 the aim of university Á¤*¾È ¿Ï·á 2023-10-18 2
131733 Would you let someone close to you handle your savings? Why or... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2023-10-18 1976
131732 What are the dangers of having your own business? ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2023-10-18 1
131731 Most people consider meetings and conferences to be boring, why... ±è*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2023-10-18 1
131730 homework ¾È*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-10-18 1716
131729 Home work ±è*Çý ¿Ï·á 2023-10-18 1402
131728 Saving water, reducing disposable products, and using public... À±*Çý ¿Ï·á 2023-10-18 1794
131727 Letter ±Ç*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-10-18 2
131726 globalization is a phenomenon in which people from many... À±*Çý ¿Ï·á 2023-10-18 1558
131725 homework: I love you, teacher :) À±*Çý ¿Ï·á 2023-10-18 1622
131724 If you could have it your way, how would you like to spend your... ½Å*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-10-18 2212
131723 homework ¼Õ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-10-18 1
131722 plastic ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-10-18 1909
131721 HOMEWORK ±è*Áö ¿Ï·á 2023-10-18 1528
131720 Homework Àå*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-10-18 3
131719 homework 2023.10.18 ¾È*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2023-10-18 1434
131718 yesterday homework. ¾È*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2023-10-18 2825
131717 Graduation picture day ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-10-18 2235
131716 From what you\'ve heard, what impression do most people have on... ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-10-18 3

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04