¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

The age of children\'s travel

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Ȳ*Çý
2024-01-23 2271

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think teenage age is the most appropriate.
Because it is good to experience and it is memorable.
You can enjoy various things.
Since teenagers are diverse, children can appreciate it and even if they are not teenagers, they can be a good age to travel.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë


Hello Julia, thank you for working on your homework. 
Here are some revisions for you to review. 
The sentences have been simplified for better understanding, rewritten for clarity and simplicity, and adjusted for improved flow.
Sincerely,
^^ T. Ara

I think teenage age is the most appropriate.
>>> I think the teenage age is the most appropriate.
Because it is good to experience and it is memorable.
>>> Because it is beneficial to experience and creates lasting memories
You can enjoy various things.
>>> CORRECT!
Since teenagers are diverse, children can appreciate it and even if they are not teenagers, they can be a good age to travel.
>>> Since teenagers are diverse, people of all ages can appreciate it, making it a good time to travel, even if you're not a teenager yourself.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
134170 Filling in Blanks ±è*À² ¿Ï·á 2024-01-24 1844
134169 Filling in Blanks ±è*À² ¿Ï·á 2024-01-24 1386
134168 home work ÃÖ*¼Ø ¿Ï·á 2024-01-24 1688
134167 1 DAY HOMEWORK ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-01-24 1915
134166 2 DAY HOMEWORK ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-01-24 1491
134165 Write some advantages of having negative degrees Celsius... ¿À*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-24 0
134164 homework 01.24 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2024-01-24 2976
134163 Homework Á¤*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-24 2507
134162 Homework À±*¼± ¿Ï·á 2024-01-24 1281
134161 Do you prefer face to face learning or study at home... ¼Û*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-01-24 1599
134160 Living in a rural area ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-01-24 1258
134159 homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-24 2201
134158 What is the biggest apology you¡¯ve ever had to give? How did... Á¤*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-24 1431
134157 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-24 2
134156 Do you agree or disagree with the following statemet? ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-01-24 1427
134155 homework ±è*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2024-01-24 1975
134154 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-01-24 545
134153 homework ±è*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-01-24 1561
134152 homework ±è*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-01-24 3027
134151 Have you ever been told you look like someone famous, who was it? ¿¡*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-01-24 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04