¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

The age of children\'s travel

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Ȳ*Çý
2024-01-23 748

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think teenage age is the most appropriate.
Because it is good to experience and it is memorable.
You can enjoy various things.
Since teenagers are diverse, children can appreciate it and even if they are not teenagers, they can be a good age to travel.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë


Hello Julia, thank you for working on your homework. 
Here are some revisions for you to review. 
The sentences have been simplified for better understanding, rewritten for clarity and simplicity, and adjusted for improved flow.
Sincerely,
^^ T. Ara

I think teenage age is the most appropriate.
>>> I think the teenage age is the most appropriate.
Because it is good to experience and it is memorable.
>>> Because it is beneficial to experience and creates lasting memories
You can enjoy various things.
>>> CORRECT!
Since teenagers are diverse, children can appreciate it and even if they are not teenagers, they can be a good age to travel.
>>> Since teenagers are diverse, people of all ages can appreciate it, making it a good time to travel, even if you're not a teenager yourself.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
135043 Homework Àå*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-27 571
135042 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-02-27 0
135041 homework 02.27 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2024-02-27 553
135040 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-02-27 24
135039 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-27 1
135038 How do you become more patient at work? õ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-02-27 497
135037 homework ±è*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-02-27 570
135036 homework ±è*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-02-27 543
135035 Are you close to your uncle and aunt? ¼Û*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-02-27 492
135034 Do you sometimes travel on the weekend? ±è*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-27 639
135033 Homework ±Ç*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-02-27 6
135032 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-02-27 735
135031 What do you think about violence in sports? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2024-02-27 313
135030 Homework À±*¼± ¿Ï·á 2024-02-27 506
135029 What lessons do you lrean from cartoons? ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-02-27 408
135028 Do you enjoy Christmas movies? What\'s your favorite... ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-27 672
135027 How can traveling be educational? ¿À*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-02-27 1149
135026 homework ÀÌ*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2024-02-27 1
135025 The importance of body language ÀÓ*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-02-27 396
135024 WRITING TASK: Are the opinions of friends and families about... ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-02-27 3

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04