¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

The age of children\'s travel

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Ȳ*Çý
2024-01-23 779

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think teenage age is the most appropriate.
Because it is good to experience and it is memorable.
You can enjoy various things.
Since teenagers are diverse, children can appreciate it and even if they are not teenagers, they can be a good age to travel.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë


Hello Julia, thank you for working on your homework. 
Here are some revisions for you to review. 
The sentences have been simplified for better understanding, rewritten for clarity and simplicity, and adjusted for improved flow.
Sincerely,
^^ T. Ara

I think teenage age is the most appropriate.
>>> I think the teenage age is the most appropriate.
Because it is good to experience and it is memorable.
>>> Because it is beneficial to experience and creates lasting memories
You can enjoy various things.
>>> CORRECT!
Since teenagers are diverse, children can appreciate it and even if they are not teenagers, they can be a good age to travel.
>>> Since teenagers are diverse, people of all ages can appreciate it, making it a good time to travel, even if you're not a teenager yourself.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
135350 Do you prefer package tours, or making your own trip? ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-08 647
135349 Homework À±*¼± ¿Ï·á 2024-03-08 1284
135348 a place I would like to visit in the future. °­*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2024-03-08 653
135347 How good are you at interacting with people face to face? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2024-03-08 753
135346 In your opinion, why do you think some people want to change... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2024-03-08 592
135345 weekend ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-08 589
135344 How much do you enjoy shopping? How often do you shop? ±Ç*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-03-08 4
135343 HOMEWORK FOR 03.08.2024 WRITING TASK: How do you typically react... ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-03-08 6
135342 Homwework ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-03-08 402
135341 No need for human resources ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-08 575
135340 What¡¯s the biggest risk you¡¯ve ever taken? ±è*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-03-08 1
135339 Describe a subject you enjoyed studying at school ¿À*¼Ò ¿Ï·á 2024-03-08 8
135338 Are you a risk-taker? Why or why not? ±è*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-03-08 1
135337 In what way is learning English an adventure for you? ±è*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-03-08 692
135336 What was the most difficult time of your life? ¿À*¼Ò ¿Ï·á 2024-03-08 6
135335 homework À¯*¸° ¿Ï·á 2024-03-07 706
135334 Today\'s homework ÀÌ*µµ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-07 794
135333 About religion °­*À² ¿Ï·á 2024-03-07 1
135332 Homework Ȳ*Çý ¿Ï·á 2024-03-07 487
135331 Homework ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-07 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04