¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

homework 01.18

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÃÖ*Ç
2024-01-18 995

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
Can over-eating reduce stress?

Usually many people doesn't eat healthy food when they over-eating.
Mostly their eat oily food such as pizza, hamburger, and fried chicken.
Because almost healthy foods such as salads, vegetable, fruits can't win fatty foods visually and taste.
Maybe we will feel good the moment when we eating high-calorie foods.
But as a result, I think this behavior is more give the stressful.
And, if we are addicted to unhealthy food, our health will be bad and we will want only oily food.
Pleasure is good, but it's hard to escape of it.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Keon!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille


~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
Can over-eating reduce stress?


Usually many people doesn't eat healthy food when they over-eating.
>> Usually many people doesn't eat healthy food when they are over-eating.
Mostly their eat oily food such as pizza, hamburger, and fried chicken.
>> Most of the time, they eat oily food such as pizza, hamburger, and fried chicken.
Because almost healthy foods such as salads, vegetable, fruits can't win fatty foods visually and taste.
>> That's because most healthy food such as salads, vegetables, and fruits can't win over fatty food because they aren't visually appealing.
Maybe we will feel good the moment when we eating high-calorie foods.
>> Maybe we will feel good the moment we eat high-calorie food.
But as a result, I think this behavior is more give the stressful.
>> But as a result, I think this behavior is more stressful.
OR >> But as a result, I think this behavior gives us more stress.
And, if we are addicted to unhealthy food, our health will be bad and we will want only oily food.
>> And, if we are addicted to unhealthy food, our health will be bad and we will only crave for oily food.
Pleasure is good, but it's hard to escape of it.
>> Pleasure is good, but it's hard to escape from it.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
129214 What do you think about taking a nap? ¹®*¿í ¿Ï·á 2023-07-02 2431
129213 Do you like cats? Why or why not ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2023-07-02 3294
129212 Why do children like playing online games? °­*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-02 2266
129211 How many glasses of water do I drink everyday?^^ ¼Û*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-07-01 3088
129210 What are you most passionate about? Why? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-07-01 2745
129209 Why is drunk driving a grave offense? ¾ö*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-01 2760
129208 Would you compromise with a criminal if your life or your... ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-07-01 4
129207 Can you correct my sentence? ¿À*º½ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-01 2
129206 What are the social activities we could never live without? ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-01 1
129205 homework 06.30 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2023-06-30 3644
129204 My favorite accessories! ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-06-30 2159
129203 Recent interest ÇÏ*ÇØ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-30 6
129202 Where dres o you want to celebrate your next birthday? ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-06-30 4053
129201 School trip! ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-06-30 2041
129200 Describe the experience of falling in love. ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-06-30 2829
129199 What is the reason for Korea\'s decision to change its age... ¾Ù* ¿Ï·á 2023-06-30 0
129198 What would motivate you to continue working out? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-30 1845
129197 What can transform your business to a higher level? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-30 2936
129196 What do you tell someone who lends you something? How about... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-30 2317
129195 How can you make your weekend productive? ¹Ý* ¿Ï·á 2023-06-30 3138

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04