¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

homework 01.18

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÃÖ*Ç
2024-01-18 851

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
Can over-eating reduce stress?

Usually many people doesn't eat healthy food when they over-eating.
Mostly their eat oily food such as pizza, hamburger, and fried chicken.
Because almost healthy foods such as salads, vegetable, fruits can't win fatty foods visually and taste.
Maybe we will feel good the moment when we eating high-calorie foods.
But as a result, I think this behavior is more give the stressful.
And, if we are addicted to unhealthy food, our health will be bad and we will want only oily food.
Pleasure is good, but it's hard to escape of it.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Keon!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille


~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
Can over-eating reduce stress?


Usually many people doesn't eat healthy food when they over-eating.
>> Usually many people doesn't eat healthy food when they are over-eating.
Mostly their eat oily food such as pizza, hamburger, and fried chicken.
>> Most of the time, they eat oily food such as pizza, hamburger, and fried chicken.
Because almost healthy foods such as salads, vegetable, fruits can't win fatty foods visually and taste.
>> That's because most healthy food such as salads, vegetables, and fruits can't win over fatty food because they aren't visually appealing.
Maybe we will feel good the moment when we eating high-calorie foods.
>> Maybe we will feel good the moment we eat high-calorie food.
But as a result, I think this behavior is more give the stressful.
>> But as a result, I think this behavior is more stressful.
OR >> But as a result, I think this behavior gives us more stress.
And, if we are addicted to unhealthy food, our health will be bad and we will want only oily food.
>> And, if we are addicted to unhealthy food, our health will be bad and we will only crave for oily food.
Pleasure is good, but it's hard to escape of it.
>> Pleasure is good, but it's hard to escape from it.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
131261 Prepared for the blind date ÃÖ*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-25 1438
131260 1. What were the consequences of forgetting that event, if any?... ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-09-24 1
131259 What happens to old people in your family? Do they live with... Á¶*Áö ¿Ï·á 2023-09-24 0
131258 Homework ±è* ¿Ï·á 2023-09-24 2
131257 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-09-24 0
131256 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-09-24 0
131255 Homework ½Å*È­ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-24 1305
131254 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-09-24 0
131253 Latest trends in South Korea ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-09-24 1149
131252 What features and functions of a car do you need most? ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-24 1
131251 Do you think it\'s a good idea to study English Literature in... ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-24 1
131250 today\'s homework ÀÌ*µµ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-24 1145
131249 What was your best friendship? Are you still friends with him or... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-09-23 1129
131248 If your friend or family has committed a serious crime, how... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-09-23 1265
131247 What animal best represents you? Why? ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-09-23 1014
131246 Why do you think that people still vote for the wife or... ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-09-22 1
131245 Homework Àü*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-22 0
131244 homework 09.22 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2023-09-22 1439
131243 What is your favorite video game? ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-09-22 1409
131242 Which family holiday is your favorite?ᩚ ¼Û*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-09-22 1242

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04