¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Travel Pros and cons

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Ȳ*Çý
2024-01-18 457

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

The advantage of traveling alone is that you are free to spend your leisure time without any restrictions.
The disadvantage is that people may disagree with each other.
So, disagreement can arise.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Julia, thanks for working on your homework. Here are some changes for you to review. The sentences are simplified for better understanding, rewritten for clarity and simplicity, and adjusted for improved flow and clarity.
Sincerely, 
^^ T. Ara


The advantage of traveling alone is that you are free to spend your leisure time without any restrictions.
>>> Traveling alone lets you enjoy your free time without any rules.
The disadvantage is that people may disagree with each other.
>>> However, a downside is that people may disagree, 
So, disagreement can arise.
>>> leading to conflicts.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
133104 HOMEWORK È«*¼± ¿Ï·á 2023-12-10 853
133103 HOMEWORK FOR 08.12.2023 WRITING TASK: Do you know someone who... ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2023-12-10 3
133102 Sleep ¿°*¿¹ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-09 2
133101 Goals ¿°*¿¹ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-09 1111
133100 Art ¿°*¿¹ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-09 1
133099 Vest travel country ÀÌ*È­ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-09 888
133098 homwork ¹Ú*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-09 3
133097 homework 12.08 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2023-12-09 478
133096 Is mental health more important than physical health? ÃÖ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-09 289
133095 Which places in the world do you think are too dangerous to... ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-12-08 621
133094 HOMEWORK: Please write a short paragraph about \"What will you... ¾Ù* ¿Ï·á 2023-12-08 2
133093 What rude behavior do you see in public every day? ¿¡*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-12-08 4
133092 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-08 2
133091 Teacher ÇÏ*¸² ¿Ï·á 2023-12-08 3
133090 Banks ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-12-08 294
133089 homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-08 1016
133088 What would your school day be like if there was no electricity? ÀÓ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-08 0
133087 homework Á¤*¾È ¿Ï·á 2023-12-08 0
133086 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-08 0
133085 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-08 0

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04