¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Travel Pros and cons

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Ȳ*Çý
2024-01-18 571

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

The advantage of traveling alone is that you are free to spend your leisure time without any restrictions.
The disadvantage is that people may disagree with each other.
So, disagreement can arise.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Julia, thanks for working on your homework. Here are some changes for you to review. The sentences are simplified for better understanding, rewritten for clarity and simplicity, and adjusted for improved flow and clarity.
Sincerely, 
^^ T. Ara


The advantage of traveling alone is that you are free to spend your leisure time without any restrictions.
>>> Traveling alone lets you enjoy your free time without any rules.
The disadvantage is that people may disagree with each other.
>>> However, a downside is that people may disagree, 
So, disagreement can arise.
>>> leading to conflicts.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
136111 Why are some people pessimists? õ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-04-04 353
136110 What is the essence of flower festivals in your country? ±è*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-04-04 2
136109 HW ³ª*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-04-04 538
136108 What position would you avoid playing in soccer? ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-04 695
136107 Why is it important to reflect on our experiences? Ȳ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-04-04 411
136106 What did you do on your last birthday? ¿À*¼Ò ¿Ï·á 2024-04-04 4
136105 Homework ±Ç*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-04-04 2
136104 Which car brand would you like to buy next? Why? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-04-04 3
136103 homework À¯*¸° ¿Ï·á 2024-04-03 397
136102 homework À¯*¸° ¿Ï·á 2024-04-03 233
136101 homework ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-03 391
136100 2024.04.03 ³²*·Ê ¿Ï·á 2024-04-03 551
136099 homework Àå*¼® ¿Ï·á 2024-04-03 622
136098 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-03 1
136097 Homework Àå*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-03 383
136096 Suppose you could invent a new toy. Describe what it would do... ¿¡*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-04-03 1
136095 Homesick ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-04-03 439
136094 What should ~~ Climate ½Å*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-03 4
136093 What do you think about the rural places in Korea? ½Å*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-04-03 575
136092 Describe your favorite fictional character. ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-04-03 609

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04