¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Travel Pros and cons

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Ȳ*Çý
2024-01-18 626

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

The advantage of traveling alone is that you are free to spend your leisure time without any restrictions.
The disadvantage is that people may disagree with each other.
So, disagreement can arise.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Julia, thanks for working on your homework. Here are some changes for you to review. The sentences are simplified for better understanding, rewritten for clarity and simplicity, and adjusted for improved flow and clarity.
Sincerely, 
^^ T. Ara


The advantage of traveling alone is that you are free to spend your leisure time without any restrictions.
>>> Traveling alone lets you enjoy your free time without any rules.
The disadvantage is that people may disagree with each other.
>>> However, a downside is that people may disagree, 
So, disagreement can arise.
>>> leading to conflicts.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
136681 HW ³ª*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-04-24 727
136680 HOMEWORK FOR 04.24.2024 WRITING TASK: How can you wisely budget... ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-04-24 3
136679 What kind of business do you want to set up? ±Ç*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-04-24 3
136678 What are the dangers of having our own business? ±Ç*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-04-24 2
136677 discipline ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-24 447
136676 how was the interview? õ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-04-24 710
136675 Homework ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-04-24 654
136674 Is there any particular food that you don\'t eat due to personal... ±è*¿í ¿Ï·á 2024-04-24 606
136673 What¡¯s your favorite website? ¿À*¼Ò ¿Ï·á 2024-04-24 0
136672 What qualities of a person do most people hate? ¿À*¼Ò ¿Ï·á 2024-04-24 0
136671 Homework ±Ç*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-04-24 0
136670 Korea ÀÓ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-24 707
136669 homework and question ±è*º° ¿Ï·á 2024-04-24 4
136668 Homework À¯*¸° ¿Ï·á 2024-04-23 338
136667 1. ÃÖ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-23 3
136666 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-23 592
136665 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-23 6
136664 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-04-23 2
136663 What facts do you know about fish? ÃÖ*ÇÑ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-23 509
136662 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-04-23 0

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04