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영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
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서비스 입니다.

Do you think art is necessary in our life? Why?

작성자: 최*정
2024-01-12 1110

회원님의 영작문

I think Art is can be help to improve about creativity and imagination of people.
As a result of imagination and creativity, one can express their emotions and opinions.

In times before the invention of language, they are greetings and communication were conveyed through forms such as drawings and dance.
For example, there is "Hula dance" of hawaii, though this dance can express about Wishing for abundant harvest and thier wish.

Now, we can communicate to language, but we can also express emotion about artistically or musically to the other person.
Singers always encapsulate their feelings and emotions in the lyrics of their songs,
using the lyrics and melody to convey the messages that want to share with their fans through the gift of song and dance.
And their fans are to empathize about artist's emotion with songs.

Additionally, it is interesting to fans of musical artists may find solace or experience a change in mood by listening to their music.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Thank you for this Eunice!


I think Art is can be help to improve about creativity and imagination of people.
>>> I think Art can be helpful to improve creativity and imagination of people.
As a result of imagination and creativity, one can express their emotions and opinions.
>>> correct  
In times before the invention of language, they are greetings and communication were conveyed through forms such as drawings and dance.
>>>  In times before the invention of language, greetings and communication were conveyed through drawings and dances. 
For example, there is "Hula dance" of hawaii, though this dance can express about Wishing for abundant harvest and thier wish.
>>> For example, there is the "Hula dance" of Hawaii. This dance can express wishing for an abundant harvest and other wishes.   
Now, we can communicate to language, but we can also express emotion about artistically or musically to the other person.
>>>  Now, we can communicate through language, but we can also express emotions artistically or musically to the other person. 
Singers always encapsulate their feelings and emotions in the lyrics of their songs, using the lyrics and melody to convey the messages that want to share with their fans through the gift of song and dance.
>>>   Singers always encapsulate their feelings and emotions in the lyrics of their songs, using the lyrics and melody to convey the messages that they want to share with their fans through the gift of song and dance.
And their fans are to empathize about artist's emotion with songs.
>>>   And their fans can empathize with the artist's emotion through songs.
Additionally, it is interesting to fans of musical artists may find solace or experience a change in mood by listening to their music.
>>> Additionally, it is interesting for fans of these musical artists to find solace or experience a change in mood by listening to their music.  
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