¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

homework 01.11

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÃÖ*Ç
2024-01-11 562

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
Why do you think more and more people have failing eyesight?

Many people wear glasses.
The reason is various, but most of the reason are they have a bad eyesight.
One of the main reason the failing eyesight is using electronic devices for a long time.
These days, smartphone and computers are essential things for us.
We doing various works every day while watching a monitor or screen.
And these electronic devices cause poor eyesight.
However, we have no choice.
It's just one thing we can do that we spend less time looking at the monitor for our eyes condition.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Keon!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille

~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
Why do you think more and more people have failing eyesight?


Many people wear glasses.
>> CORRECT!
The reason is various, but most of the reason are they have a bad eyesight.
>> There are various reasons, but the reason is because of their bad eyesight.
OR >> There are various reasons, but the reason is because of their poor eyesight.
One of the main reason the failing eyesight is using electronic devices for a long time.
>> One of the main reasons why people have poor eyesight is because of too much use of electronic devices.
These days, smartphone and computers are essential things for us.
>> These days, smartphones and computers are essential things for us.
We doing various works every day while watching a monitor or screen.
>> We do various tasks every day while we're in front of the monitor or the screen.
And these electronic devices cause poor eyesight.
>> CORRECT!
However, we have no choice.
>> CORRECT!
It's just one thing we can do that we spend less time looking at the monitor for our eyes condition.
>> One thing that we can do is to spend less time in front of the monitor for our eyes' condition.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
133520 Letter ¹Ú*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-29 1
133519 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-12-29 0
133518 What are the things you want to achieve before the end of this... ÀÌ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-12-29 1875
133517 Homework 12/27 ±è*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-29 1
133516 homework ±è*¸° ¿Ï·á 2023-12-29 1
133515 The Meaning of \"Success\" in Modern Society ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-12-29 3
133514 Old people\'s name with culture and values °­*À² ¿Ï·á 2023-12-28 1
133513 What does a vacation make you feel? ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-12-28 645
133512 Major holidays ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-12-28 783
133511 homework 12.28 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2023-12-28 828
133510 Would you rather visit every country or fly to outer space? ¼Û*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-12-28 1058
133509 HOMEWORK: Please write a short paragraph about \"Is it important... ¾Ù* ¿Ï·á 2023-12-28 3
133508 What subject would you like to be most knowledgeable about? ¿¡*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-12-28 1
133507 Would you like to be a celebrity? What do you think are the... À±*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2023-12-28 0
133506 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-12-28 607
133505 homework ³ë*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-28 431
133504 What country would you like to visit? ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-12-28 687
133503 homework ±è*´ã ¿Ï·á 2023-12-28 798
133502 homework ±è*¸° ¿Ï·á 2023-12-28 1
133501 The most interesting person ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-28 882

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04