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영작교정 게시판

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담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

Homework

작성자: 김*우
2023-12-25 2097

회원님의 영작문

Hi.
Merry Christmas.
Yesterday, there was a concert of children in the church.
Many childeren including my daughters sang and danced.
Of course, all musics were about the birth of Jesus.
In fact, there was a problem at the clinic yesterday.
A rude woman who wanted to get much money visited and interfered with our work.
She is her whom I said before.
To avoid a serious violence, I let Dr.MJ and the related counselling manager escape from her.
She tried to contact us to record some sentences that she needed, but I ordered my staffs to say nothing.
She left after three hours, so I stayed at the clinic for a long time than expected.
Anyway, I could attend the worship and see my kids sing and dance.
Today, after the worship, we played with the snow for a moment.
And, we played Nintendo.
Since Santa Claus gave many board games for gifts to my kids, we also played those things together.
The most important property to me is my clinic because it's value is highest among my properties.
See you.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hello, Dr. Kim!

A very merry and warm Christmas to you too and your family! My son and I watched 'Home Alone 2"  the day before Christmas and yesterday, my sisters and I got a full body massage. There were a lot of eating too in betwee.

Just like the movie Home Alone, there was a scene where Kevin was singing a Christmas carol there and I imagine that your daughters have done quite the same. You must be proud of their very cute performance! 

Now, I am not sure how you will handle the case of the lady asking for too much money. I guess, you should also have your CCTV ready in case you might need it in court. I guess she is very assertive of getting that big amount and you have to be ready on her next steps. On your part, I think that you have managed the situation appropriately. It must be infuriating seeing her for several hours in the clinic. That moment was awkward, I suppose..

Thank God, you have your family to go home to not only on Christmas but everyday. Imagine going home alone after a bad day- that life must feel empty and meaningless. So, always be successful in your clinic no matter how hard it may be with some patients and clients because you have all the best reasons to go back home.

Visit the grammar suggestions carefully. Well done!

I will see you in class soon.

-T. Donna~

Hi.
>> Correct!

Merry Christmas.
>> Correct!

Yesterday, there was a concert of children in the church.
>> Correct!

Many childeren including my daughters sang and danced.
>> Correct!

Of course, all musics were about the birth of Jesus.
>> music

In fact, there was a problem at the clinic yesterday.
>> Correct!
Or: Meanwhile, there was a problem at the clinic yesterday.

A rude woman who wanted to get much money visited and interfered with our work.
>> Correct!

She is her whom I said before.
>> She is her whom I mentioned before.

To avoid a serious violence, I let Dr.MJ and the related counselling manager escape from her.
>> Correct!

She tried to contact us to record some sentences that she needed, but I ordered my staffs to say nothing.
>> Correct!
Or: staff

She left after three hours, so I stayed at the clinic for a long time than expected.
>> Correct!

Anyway, I could attend the worship and see my kids sing and dance.
>> Correct!

Today, after the worship, we played with the snow for a moment.
>> Correct!

And, we played Nintendo.
>> Correct!

Since Santa Claus gave many board games for gifts to my kids, we also played those things together.
>> Correct!

The most important property to me is my clinic because it's value is highest among my properties.
>> Correct!

See you.
>> Correct!
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