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담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
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Homework

작성자: 김*우
2023-12-15 1326

회원님의 영작문

Hello.
It's raining as yesterday.
Of course, there were not many patients in the clinic.
Dr. MJ is trying to share the worry about decreased profit, and it makes me so stressed.
I know him well.
If this trend continues, he will suggest to expand our worktime.
As all we know, I really hate to expand our workload.
I think that the relationship between my wife and me had a severe problem because I had no energy to treat my family warmly.
And, the basical reason of it was resulted by the excessive workload before, I am sure.
My family is the most precious in my life, no doubt.
Since there is no patient in the clinic now, I am enjoying listening to a classic songs in my computer and a rainfall sound outside the window.
My favorite song to sing is 'Blue Whale' by YB.
YB is a group sound and YB stands for Yoon do hyeon Band, I guess.
I like the vocal sound of YB.
Yoon has both powerful and emotional voice.
The song "Blue Whale" says that we can overcome this harsh situation together.
See you.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi there, Dr. Kim!

It's good to see you again here on this page.

It has been raining in Korea for the past two days. Is this usual on winter? Perhaps, climate change altered the weather and the overall climate in the world. Thus, it may also bring profit and revenue shifts to businesses due to varied human behavior.

As I guessed before, you need to go back to a 7-day working schedule which is actually toxic however, it is really one of the ways in which profit is assured. Or maybe not. Hence, whatever you decide to be the solution to this existing problem, I hope that the plan will work so that no one will be worried of work tenure and revenue crisis.

I agree that the family suffers from the insufficient time spent with them. What time is left to play with your daughters or to have a conversation with your wife? It is tricky but serving two gods at a time may be difficult some time.

Anyway, I listened to Blue Whale and it is really the kind of jam of our era. It starts with an emotional  slow rhythm and develops to the rock part to signify intense emotions. Maybe the lyrics and music during our time had more meaning and artistic elements compared today. What do you think?

I am glad to check and suggest to your essay today. Thank you for your early submission. Then, please note down my suggestions and recall them when writing.

The combination of your long and short sentences created a good effect to the meaning of your essay. Keep up the great work!

See you on Monday!

-T. Donna~

Hello.
>> Correct!

It's raining as yesterday.
>> Correct!

Of course, there were not many patients in the clinic.
>> Correct!

Dr. MJ is trying to share the worry about decreased profit, and it makes me so stressed.
>> Correct!

I know him well.
>> Correct!

If this trend continues, he will suggest to expand our worktime.
>> Correct!

As all we know, I really hate to expand our workload.
>> As we all know, I really hate to expand our workload.

I think that the relationship between my wife and me had a severe problem because I had no energy to treat my family warmly.
>> I think that the relationship between my wife and I had a severe problem because I had no energy to treat my family warmly.

And, the basical reason of it was resulted by the excessive workload before, I am sure.
>> And, the basic reason of it resulted to the excessive workload before, I am sure.

My family is the most precious in my life, no doubt.
>> Correct!

Since there is no patient in the clinic now, I am enjoying listening to a classic songs in my computer and a rainfall sound outside the window.
>> Since there is no patient in the clinic now, I am enjoying listening to a classic song in my computer and the rainfall sound outside the window.

My favorite song to sing is 'Blue Whale' by YB.
>> Correct!

YB is a group sound and YB stands for Yoon do hyeon Band, I guess.
>> Correct!
Or: Hyeon Band

I like the vocal sound of YB.
>> Correct!

Yoon has both powerful and emotional voice.
>> Correct!

The song "Blue Whale" says that we can overcome this harsh situation together.
>> Correct!

See you.
>> Correct!
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