¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

homework 12.12

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÃÖ*Ç
2023-12-12 3257

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
What is the worst thing about computers?

Thanks to the development and personalization of computers, many people's lifestyles also changed.
There are many jobs the use computers and we can also enjoy various kinds of hobby.
But, I think anything can't always have advantages.
As an example, these days there are many crimes using computers have increased.
The hackers are stealing other people's money or information, even them doing commit fraud.
Except for the above example, there are many various kinds of crimes using computers.
There are even people around me had been big money scammed.
Swindler really need to disappear in the world.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Keon!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille


~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
What is the worst thing about computers?


Thanks to the development and personalization of computers, many people's lifestyles also changed.
>> CORRECT!
There are many jobs the use computers and we can also enjoy various kinds of hobby.
>> There are many jobs that use computers and we can also enjoy various kinds of hobbies.
But, I think anything can't always have advantages.
>> CORRECT!
As an example, these days there are many crimes using computers have increased.
>> As an example, crimes these days that use computers have increased.
The hackers are stealing other people's money or information, even them doing commit fraud.
>> The hackers are stealing other people's money or information, even them doing commit fraud.
Except for the above example, there are many various kinds of crimes using computers.
>> Except for the examples above, there are various kinds of crimes using computers.
There are even people around me had been big money scammed.
>> There are even people around me who have been scammed with a big amount of money.
Swindler really need to disappear in the world.
>> Swindlers really need to disappear in the world.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
125123 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-27 2
125122 What are the benefits of learning English? ÀÓ*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-01-27 1622
125121 Would you send a dish back if it did not taste good or if you... Àå*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-01-27 679
125120 ¿µÀÛ ¼÷Á¦ ÀÌ*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-01-27 0
125119 1/25 homework ÃÖ*º½ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-27 743
125118 1/20 homework ÃÖ*º½ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-27 692
125117 1/18 homework ÃÖ*º½ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-27 1212
125116 Homework Àå*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-27 2
125115 26.Jan.2022 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-27 1
125114 What would you do if you became the richest person on Earth? ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-27 840
125113 1. Do you prefer watching movies at the cinema or on TV? 2. What... ÀÓ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-27 1
125112 talk about the song you last sang. ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-27 793
125111 1/26 homework À±*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-01-27 705
125110 What do people from other countries usually think of when they... ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-01-26 812
125109 2023-1/26 HOMEWORK ÀÌ*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-26 805
125108 Do you know how to overcome fear? What is the best way? ÀÓ*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-01-26 894
125107 What do you fear missing out on the most? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-01-26 4
125106 Gathering ¹Ú*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-01-26 850
125105 A financial problem. ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-01-26 790
125104 Would you rather shop online or go to the physical store? ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-01-26 3

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04