¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

homework 12.12

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÃÖ*Ç
2023-12-12 3242

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
What is the worst thing about computers?

Thanks to the development and personalization of computers, many people's lifestyles also changed.
There are many jobs the use computers and we can also enjoy various kinds of hobby.
But, I think anything can't always have advantages.
As an example, these days there are many crimes using computers have increased.
The hackers are stealing other people's money or information, even them doing commit fraud.
Except for the above example, there are many various kinds of crimes using computers.
There are even people around me had been big money scammed.
Swindler really need to disappear in the world.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Keon!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille


~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
What is the worst thing about computers?


Thanks to the development and personalization of computers, many people's lifestyles also changed.
>> CORRECT!
There are many jobs the use computers and we can also enjoy various kinds of hobby.
>> There are many jobs that use computers and we can also enjoy various kinds of hobbies.
But, I think anything can't always have advantages.
>> CORRECT!
As an example, these days there are many crimes using computers have increased.
>> As an example, crimes these days that use computers have increased.
The hackers are stealing other people's money or information, even them doing commit fraud.
>> The hackers are stealing other people's money or information, even them doing commit fraud.
Except for the above example, there are many various kinds of crimes using computers.
>> Except for the examples above, there are various kinds of crimes using computers.
There are even people around me had been big money scammed.
>> There are even people around me who have been scammed with a big amount of money.
Swindler really need to disappear in the world.
>> Swindlers really need to disappear in the world.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
125337 How do people fall in love? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-02-04 693
125336 2023-2/3 HOMEWORK ÀÌ*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-03 695
125335 Lesson 5 : Homework ±è*Çý ¿Ï·á 2023-02-03 636
125334 Why we have to use store ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-02-03 0
125333 There are four kinds of people ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-02-03 0
125332 Why do some people like eating out? ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-02-03 2
125331 What did you realize after all the preparations you have made as... ·ù*¼± ¿Ï·á 2023-02-03 905
125330 HOMEWORK È«*¼± ¿Ï·á 2023-02-03 629
125329 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-03 3
125328 What is you phobia and why? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-02-03 907
125327 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-03 0
125326 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-02-03 1
125325 Friday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-02-03 844
125324 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-02-03 0
125323 Homework from the Feedback (7) ¹Ú*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-03 845
125322 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-02-03 0
125321 homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-02-03 3
125320 Are people in your country generally close to their families? ¼Û*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2023-02-03 676
125319 2/3 Homework ÃÖ*º½ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-03 797
125318 homework ½Å*ÈÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-03 555

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04