¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

homework 12.12

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÃÖ*Ç
2023-12-12 3112

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
What is the worst thing about computers?

Thanks to the development and personalization of computers, many people's lifestyles also changed.
There are many jobs the use computers and we can also enjoy various kinds of hobby.
But, I think anything can't always have advantages.
As an example, these days there are many crimes using computers have increased.
The hackers are stealing other people's money or information, even them doing commit fraud.
Except for the above example, there are many various kinds of crimes using computers.
There are even people around me had been big money scammed.
Swindler really need to disappear in the world.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Keon!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille


~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
What is the worst thing about computers?


Thanks to the development and personalization of computers, many people's lifestyles also changed.
>> CORRECT!
There are many jobs the use computers and we can also enjoy various kinds of hobby.
>> There are many jobs that use computers and we can also enjoy various kinds of hobbies.
But, I think anything can't always have advantages.
>> CORRECT!
As an example, these days there are many crimes using computers have increased.
>> As an example, crimes these days that use computers have increased.
The hackers are stealing other people's money or information, even them doing commit fraud.
>> The hackers are stealing other people's money or information, even them doing commit fraud.
Except for the above example, there are many various kinds of crimes using computers.
>> Except for the examples above, there are various kinds of crimes using computers.
There are even people around me had been big money scammed.
>> There are even people around me who have been scammed with a big amount of money.
Swindler really need to disappear in the world.
>> Swindlers really need to disappear in the world.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
126541 How much nature is there where you live? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-15 1201
126540 Is there such a thing as a natural leader? Can a person learn to... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-15 1181
126539 what are your greatest professional strengths? ±Ç*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-15 1
126538 What are the most important features when determining someone\'s... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-15 994
126537 Have you ever intoduced yourself to a stranger in public? what... ±è*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-03-15 1068
126536 Laughter ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-15 3
126535 3.15 homewokr ±Ç*¸² ¿Ï·á 2023-03-15 1008
126534 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-15 2
126533 52 hours workweek system ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-15 928
126532 tia ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-15 822
126531 3/15 homework ÃÖ*º½ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-15 1377
126530 13.Mar.2023 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-15 1
126529 Is anger ever a good thing? If so, when? Why? Àå*Àº ¿Ï·á 2023-03-15 1262
126528 Being alone ±Ç*ÀÏ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-15 5
126527 How do we define life? ¹Ú*³ª ¿Ï·á 2023-03-15 827
126526 Waiting is good for people¡¦ ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-03-15 1194
126525 What animals are you afraid of? ÀÓ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-15 1
126524 Why is dental care important? Áö* ¿Ï·á 2023-03-15 2
126523 Iarge group or small group ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-15 1447
126522 Homework ¿À*º½ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-15 5

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04