¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

homework 12.12

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÃÖ*Ç
2023-12-12 2323

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
What is the worst thing about computers?

Thanks to the development and personalization of computers, many people's lifestyles also changed.
There are many jobs the use computers and we can also enjoy various kinds of hobby.
But, I think anything can't always have advantages.
As an example, these days there are many crimes using computers have increased.
The hackers are stealing other people's money or information, even them doing commit fraud.
Except for the above example, there are many various kinds of crimes using computers.
There are even people around me had been big money scammed.
Swindler really need to disappear in the world.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Keon!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille


~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
What is the worst thing about computers?


Thanks to the development and personalization of computers, many people's lifestyles also changed.
>> CORRECT!
There are many jobs the use computers and we can also enjoy various kinds of hobby.
>> There are many jobs that use computers and we can also enjoy various kinds of hobbies.
But, I think anything can't always have advantages.
>> CORRECT!
As an example, these days there are many crimes using computers have increased.
>> As an example, crimes these days that use computers have increased.
The hackers are stealing other people's money or information, even them doing commit fraud.
>> The hackers are stealing other people's money or information, even them doing commit fraud.
Except for the above example, there are many various kinds of crimes using computers.
>> Except for the examples above, there are various kinds of crimes using computers.
There are even people around me had been big money scammed.
>> There are even people around me who have been scammed with a big amount of money.
Swindler really need to disappear in the world.
>> Swindlers really need to disappear in the world.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
132374 Investing some money to my friend ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-11-13 2498
132373 homework ¾È*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-11-13 3137
132372 How far is your parents\' hometown from the capital? ±Ç*Áö ¿Ï·á 2023-11-13 1828
132371 Change is natural ÀÓ*Áø ¿Ï·á 2023-11-13 2054
132370 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-11-13 1706
132369 In your opinion, at what age is the appropriate age to teach a... ½Å*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-11-13 1620
132368 Have you ever experienced having bedbugs in your home? How did... ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2023-11-13 1
132367 . ¼Û*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-11-13 4
132366 Homework Á¤*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2023-11-13 2657
132365 homework ±è*¸° ¿Ï·á 2023-11-13 0
132364 How do you think awareness of habituation can improve overall... ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2023-11-13 4
132363 Homework ½Å*È­ ¿Ï·á 2023-11-13 2070
132362 Homework ½Å*È­ ¿Ï·á 2023-11-13 1731
132361 HOMEWORK FOR 11.13.2023 ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2023-11-13 2
132360 Homework Á¤*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2023-11-13 2647
132359 Homework ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-11-13 2170
132358 homework_231109 ÇÑ*·Ï ¿Ï·á 2023-11-13 2393
132357 The biggest accident in my whole life °­*À² ¿Ï·á 2023-11-12 1
132356 Homework ÀÌ*È­ ¿Ï·á 2023-11-12 2354
132355 homework ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-11-12 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04