¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

homework 12.12

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÃÖ*Ç
2023-12-12 2372

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
What is the worst thing about computers?

Thanks to the development and personalization of computers, many people's lifestyles also changed.
There are many jobs the use computers and we can also enjoy various kinds of hobby.
But, I think anything can't always have advantages.
As an example, these days there are many crimes using computers have increased.
The hackers are stealing other people's money or information, even them doing commit fraud.
Except for the above example, there are many various kinds of crimes using computers.
There are even people around me had been big money scammed.
Swindler really need to disappear in the world.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Keon!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille


~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
What is the worst thing about computers?


Thanks to the development and personalization of computers, many people's lifestyles also changed.
>> CORRECT!
There are many jobs the use computers and we can also enjoy various kinds of hobby.
>> There are many jobs that use computers and we can also enjoy various kinds of hobbies.
But, I think anything can't always have advantages.
>> CORRECT!
As an example, these days there are many crimes using computers have increased.
>> As an example, crimes these days that use computers have increased.
The hackers are stealing other people's money or information, even them doing commit fraud.
>> The hackers are stealing other people's money or information, even them doing commit fraud.
Except for the above example, there are many various kinds of crimes using computers.
>> Except for the examples above, there are various kinds of crimes using computers.
There are even people around me had been big money scammed.
>> There are even people around me who have been scammed with a big amount of money.
Swindler really need to disappear in the world.
>> Swindlers really need to disappear in the world.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
134926 Homework Àå*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-22 843
134925 homework 02.22 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2024-02-22 1180
134924 The best thing about my grandma ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-02-22 960
134923 Why do you think people are dbsessed with their heights? Give at... ¿À*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-22 2
134922 Sound suggestions ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-02-22 1038
134921 How do you know about cats? ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-02-22 1143
134920 Do you have a piggy bank? ¼Û*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-02-22 689
134919 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-22 2
134918 I ±è*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-22 577
134917 Homework ±è*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-22 1148
134916 Homework ±Ç*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-02-22 1
134915 Moving to a different part of a country after the retirement ÀÓ*¼± ¿Ï·á 2024-02-22 1162
134914 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-02-22 5
134913 Is it important to have a good childhood to be successful in... ¼­*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-22 1246
134912 When was the last time you streamed a movie, and what streaming... ¼­*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-22 1085
134911 Which country do you think is not a safe place to live in? Ȳ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-02-22 977
134910 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-02-22 1044
134909 How does your bank support the local community through... ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-02-22 3
134908 Homework À±*¼± ¿Ï·á 2024-02-22 1240
134907 homework ±è*¸° ¿Ï·á 2024-02-22 0

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04