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영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

Homework

작성자: 김*우
2023-12-12 486

회원님의 영작문

Hello.
There was a rude patient today.
In fact, she was a mother of the patient.
The patient is a 19 years male.
He visited us last Sunday and I diagnosed him a shingles.
Since he had a severe pain and dermatitis, I gave him a prescription with my best and a some kind of LED treatment which can decrease the pain.
Yesterday, I found that his symptom got worse, so I changed the prescription.
And I stated that he better go to a hospital for advanced treatment that includes admission if the symptom won't be improved.
Today, his mom called us and said, "Because of your clinic, my son was suffered from severe pain. Now my baby is waiting for seeing a doctor in a large hospital, I'll ask a compensation for it later."
She seemed to have a guilty sense about her 18years baby and reflect her anger to us.
I called her and asked her baby's condition, and listened to her talking.
She seemed to became more calm, but she requested me a refund for my treatment.
I replied politely, "No."
See you.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hello, Dr. Kim!

If we try to do a statistics of having rude/ crazy patients seven days a week, the score is 1-1; 1 for Monday for a good day, and 1 for Tuesday for the case of the mother.

You could have never handled it better. I really think that saying 'no' in this case was just and fair after hearing out the frustrations of the mother of her son's agonizing pain. Sometimes, I can be in this lady's shoes. I may freak out if my son suffers from severe pain. Imagine one of your daughters getting shingles and you will realize why she acted that way. The thing here is that her son is an adult and should manage his pain. 

As a doctor, I know that you need to give the basic treatment for diseases and observe how the situation progresses. In this case, his pain grew more which means that there may be something aggravating the shingles. Well, I am not so sure about this so, please explain it in class tomorrow.

As an expert in empathy and parental psychology, I commend you for a job well done for handling this case of the mother. 

You can write very good direct quotation sentences and use accurate punctuation marks, well done! Kindly study my suggestions for your mastery. Overall, it was a very informative and vivid explanation of accounts, excellent!

See you soon.

-T. Donna~

Hello.
>> Correct!

There was a rude patient today.
>> Correct!

In fact, she was a mother of the patient.
>> In fact, she was the mother of the patient.

The patient is a 19 years male.
>> The patient is a 19-year old male.

He visited us last Sunday and I diagnosed him a shingles.
>> He visited us last Sunday and I diagnosed him with shingles.

Since he had a severe pain and dermatitis, I gave him a prescription with my best and a some kind of LED treatment which can decrease the pain.
>> Since he had a severe pain and dermatitis, I gave him a prescription with my best and some kind of LED treatment which can decrease the pain.

Yesterday, I found that his symptom got worse, so I changed the prescription.
>> Correct!

And I stated that he better go to a hospital for advanced treatment that includes admission if the symptom won't be improved.
>> Correct! Very good sentence!
Or: And I stated that he would better go to a hospital for advanced treatment that includes admission if the symptom won't be improved.

Today, his mom called us and said, "Because of your clinic, my son was suffered from severe pain. Now my baby is waiting for seeing a doctor in a large hospital, I'll ask a compensation for it later."
>> Today, his mom called us and said, "Because of your clinic, my son suffered from severe pain. Now my baby is waiting (for seeing/to see) a doctor in a large hospital, I'll ask for a compensation for it later."

She seemed to have a guilty sense about her 18years baby and reflect her anger to us.
>>She seemed to have a guilty sense about her 18-year old baby and reflects her anger to us.

I called her and asked her baby's condition, and listened to her talking.
>> Correct!
Or: I called her and asked her baby's condition, and listened to her explanation.

She seemed to became more calm, but she requested me a refund for my treatment.
>> She seemed to become more calm, but she requested me a refund for my treatment.

I replied politely, "No."
>> Correct!

See you.
>> Correct!
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