¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

homework 12.11

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÃÖ*Ç
2023-12-11 461

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
What should be the legal age to drink alcohol?

In Korea, we can buy or drink alcohol must be 20 years old in Korean age.
In differently, In Germany, if they are over the 14 years old, they can drink beer at a restaurant.
It's interesting that each country has different legal age.
But, actually alcohol is not good for healthy.
And also, many accidents occur because of alcohol.
In case of Korea, when restaurants and stores sell alcohol or cigarettes to minors, they must be closed a few months.
Often bad minors use the fake ID cards.
So, In my opinion, it should be legal age is high school student or adult who can take some responsibility.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Keon!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille


~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
What should be the legal age to drink alcohol?


In Korea, we can buy or drink alcohol must be 20 years old in Korean age.
>> In Korea, we must be 20 years old in Korean age so we can buy or drink alcohol.
In differently, In Germany, if they are over the 14 years old, they can drink beer at a restaurant.
>> In Germany, it's different because if they are over the 14 years old, they can drink beer at a restaurant.
It's interesting that each country has a different legal age.
>> CORRECT!
But, actually alcohol is not good for healthy.
>> But, actually alcohol is not good for the health.
And also, many accidents occur because of alcohol.
>> CORRECT!
In case of Korea, when restaurants and stores sell alcohol or cigarettes to minors, they must be closed a few months.
>> In case of Korea, when restaurants and stores sell alcohol or cigarettes to minors, they must be closed for a few months.
Often bad minors use the fake ID cards.
>> Often times, bad minors use fake ID cards.
So, In my opinion, it should be legal age is high school student or adult who can take some responsibility.
>> So, in my opinion, the legal age should be at around a high school student's age, or an adult who can take some responsibility.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
131264 ESSAY ±Ç*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-25 2
131263 HOMEWORK ±è*Áö ¿Ï·á 2023-09-25 487
131262 To share my travel experience. ÃÖ*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-25 322
131261 Prepared for the blind date ÃÖ*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-25 364
131260 1. What were the consequences of forgetting that event, if any?... ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-09-24 1
131259 What happens to old people in your family? Do they live with... Á¶*Áö ¿Ï·á 2023-09-24 0
131258 Homework ±è* ¿Ï·á 2023-09-24 2
131257 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-09-24 0
131256 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-09-24 0
131255 Homework ½Å*È­ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-24 384
131254 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-09-24 0
131253 Latest trends in South Korea ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-09-24 272
131252 What features and functions of a car do you need most? ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-24 1
131251 Do you think it\'s a good idea to study English Literature in... ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-24 1
131250 today\'s homework ÀÌ*µµ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-24 267
131249 What was your best friendship? Are you still friends with him or... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-09-23 317
131248 If your friend or family has committed a serious crime, how... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-09-23 376
131247 What animal best represents you? Why? ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-09-23 455
131246 Why do you think that people still vote for the wife or... ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-09-22 1
131245 Homework Àü*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-22 0

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04