무료 레벨테스트 받고 강사평가 남기면 1,OOO원 쿠폰 즉시 적립!

혹시 사이트에선 찾지 못한 궁금한 점이 있으세요?
남겨주신 이메일을 통해 답변 드리겠습니다.

문의하신 내용이 문자로 발송되오니
연락처를 남겨주세요.
업무시간 월~금 오전9시~오후6시
(점심시간 낮12시~오후1시)

영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

In most countries, women live an average of five to six years longer than men. Why do you think this

작성자: 김*경
2023-11-28 915

회원님의 영작문

I believe life expectancy relies on God. But, to my surprise, women outlive men for a reason. This is the question that I’ve been also holding for a long time. My guess for the reason is as follows:
First, women are more relationship-oriented than men. Women tend to share their emotions and comfort each other more than men. In other words, they’re much wiser to counter stress, they know how to make relationships with others nonconfrontationally.
Second, women are more into getting in shape than men so they’re usually healthy. Overweight old men comprise more men than women.
Lastly, women are equipped with how to cook. This culinary skill is sure to benefit them nutritionally, which lets them differentiate bad food from good ones, and also helps them keep in good health. Aside from longer lifespans, women have a stronger influence on people due to their relationship-oriented personalities. Women have broader and stronger trails of life than men.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi Steve, thanks for tackling your homework. 
Your sentence is grammatically correct, but I've made some changes for you to consider. 
These revisions aim to enhance clarity, simplify the language, and improve the overall flow.
Sincerely, 
^^ T. Ara


I believe life expectancy relies on God. 
>>> I think how long we live is influenced by things we can't control, maybe guided by a higher power.
But, to my surprise, women outlive men for a reason. 
>>> It's surprising that, on average, women live longer than men,
This is the question that I’ve been also holding for a long time. 
>>> and I've been wondering why.
My guess for the reason is as follows:
>>> Here's what I think:
First, women are more relationship-oriented than men. 
>>> First, women focus more on relationships than men.
Women tend to share their emotions and comfort each other more than men.  In other words, they’re much wiser to counter stress, they know how to make relationships with others nonconfrontationally.

>>> They openly share emotions, provide support, handle stress well, and avoid conflicts in their connections. Second, women are more into getting in shape than men so they’re usually healthy. >>> Second, women work harder to stay healthy and fit compared to men. Overweight old men comprise more men than women. >>> There are more overweight elderly men than women.

Lastly, women are equipped with how to cook. 
>>> Lastly, women are good at cooking.
This culinary skill is sure to benefit them nutritionally, which lets them differentiate bad food from good ones, and also helps them keep in good health. 
>>> This not only helps them eat well but also lets them tell good food from bad, keeping them healthy.
Aside from longer lifespans, women have a stronger influence on people due to their relationship-oriented personalities. 
>>> Apart from living longer, women also have a big impact on others because they care about relationships.
Women have broader and stronger trails of life than men.

>>> They leave a bigger mark on life than men do.








번호 제목 글쓴이 공개 상태 등록일 조회수
133332 Do you think snow is beautiful? What fun things can you do in... 전*정 완료 2023-12-19 7
133331 HOMEWORK: Please write a short paragraph about \"What will you... 앨* 완료 2023-12-19 1
133330 Why do some people seem to age faster than others? 김*희 완료 2023-12-19 2
133329 Homework 류*우 완료 2023-12-19 506
133328 Did you have a hairstyle a long time ago that you think is... 신*섭 완료 2023-12-19 616
133327 >> What are your thoughts on the slavery of Black people in... 이*민 완료 2023-12-19 2
133326 What is your favorite place in the world and why? 윤*원 완료 2023-12-19 0
133325 What kind of festival in Korea would you like to go to someday? 이*태 완료 2023-12-19 1103
133324 hotel 권*희 완료 2023-12-19 462
133323 What was the worst kind of fake news you ever read? Can you tell... 이*태 완료 2023-12-19 379
133322 What will you do if you have a very noisy neighbor? 이*태 완료 2023-12-19 728
133321 HOMEWORK FOR 12.19.2023 임*지 완료 2023-12-19 2
133320 What is cyberbullying, and how does it affect the lives of... 윤*원 완료 2023-12-18 0
133319 1. Best place in my country 2. Special food 이*규 완료 2023-12-18 559
133318 Homework 김*우 완료 2023-12-18 589
133317 Are there any new activities or events you\'re hoping to... 이*윤 완료 2023-12-18 887
133316 Why do we sometimes need to interact with our colleagues? 문*현 완료 2023-12-18 1038
133315 homework 최*� 완료 2023-12-18 429
133314 What would you do if you had an extra one to two hours in your... 이*빈 완료 2023-12-18 543
133313 What comes to your mind whenever you hear the word \'chance\'? 이*빈 완료 2023-12-18 709

HOW TO USE IT?

[마이페이지 > 수업 내용 보기 > 학습 캘린더 > 영작교정 버튼 클릭]

수업 횟수만큼 영작교정 게시판이 생성되며,
지난 날짜에도 게시 할 수 있습니다.

주5회 수업 : 월 20회 이용 가능
주3회 수업 : 월 12회 이용 가능
주2회 수업 : 월 08회 이용 가능
01
교정 내용은 최대 1,000byte까지 올릴 수 있습니다.

첨부 파일은 원활한 첨삭을 위한 참고자료로 사용될 뿐,
파일에 대한 첨삭은 불가능 합니다.

업로드 가능한 첨부 파일은 최대 2mb까지이며,
첨부 할 수 있는 파일 형식은 다음과 같습니다.

문서 - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
이미지 - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
전문 분야를 제외한 회원님이 직접 작성한 글만
첨삭이 가능하며,

올려주신 글의 강사님 첨삭은 24시간 이내에
완료 되는 것을 원칙으로 하고 있습니다.
03
하루 게시 가능한 글은 3회까지 이며,
종료된 수업의 영작교정 게시판은
이용이 어려운 점 양해 부탁 드립니다.
04

와이즈에듀케이션아이(주) 사이트명: 파워잉글리쉬 대표이사 전상현
사업자등록번호: 217-81-44736 통신판매신고번호: 2014-서울도봉-0233호
서울본사: 서울시 노원구 한글비석로 245 두타빌 B동 7층 713호
대표번호 1688-8672 개인정보관리 책임자: 안희영 [powerenglish@pweng.net]