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자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
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담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
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Homework

작성자: 김*우
2023-11-27 1562

회원님의 영작문

Hi. T.Donna.
I am now depressed.
Actually, I bought a small apartment for investment a few years ago.
And, this is the time to rent or sell it.
Since I don't have enough time to concern about it, I decided to sell it, and I found out that it's value was fallen too much.
In addition, I realized that I should go to real estate office at least two times.
Also, the date when I can do these things was fixed, so I can't adjust the date along with my schedule.
These are bothering me truely.
Without a deep consideration, I just followed my friends about investment.
Consequently, all investments like stock, estate, and coin were screwed.
It means the elongation of my work time in my life sadly.
Why did I do that without thinking?
I should not have done any investment.
Anyway, today is not busy at the clinic.
I turned up the volume of classic piano song in my office.
This music seems a good energy to me despite I don't know well about the classic.
I want to go home now, but I can't.
See you.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hello, Dr. Kim.

It took me a while to accomplish checking your composition. As you know, the season is getting busier and now I have to portion my time. In short, thank you for patiently waiting for my revert to your work.

I am sorry that you are feeling depressed about your financial status. On the lighter side, this will push you to  work more and more because the due in the bank will always arrive and you have to pay on time. I admire you taking bold actions. I remember borrowing 2,000 dollars in the bank and 4,000 dollars from my sister and I had many sleepless nights because I wanted to be free of debts. Luckily, I was able to pay all of those amounts even before the agreed due date.

Now that you are in the middle of your loans, the only wisdom I gained from loaning before is to pay them according to the terms and conditions set. One day, if you stay consistent in doing this, you will finish them all. For now, it will be impossible to borrow more. Otherwise, it will just be an amount to pay the previous debts and the cycle will continue.

Pay the real estate a visit soon, you have no choice. ^^ In addition, you can listen to your friends but always consult experts or the ones who have been successful in trading or investing. It will save you a lot of money.

Now, I am scared to hear that you are listening to piano classics in your office. Please do not do this. It will make you feel more depressed. Listen to feel good music. ^^ Everything is going to be alright. Time will show you how to solve your challenges.

You combined elements of long and short sentences. This way, your ideas are clearer and easy o comprehend. Keep it up! Excellent job.

I will see you again in class.

-T. Donna~

Hi. T.Donna.
>> Correct!

I am now depressed.
>> Correct!

Actually, I bought a small apartment for investment a few years ago.
>> Correct!

And, this is the time to rent or sell it.
>> Correct!

Since I don't have enough time to concern about it, I decided to sell it, and I found out that it's value was fallen too much.
>>Since I don't have enough time to be concern about it, I decided to sell it, and I found out that it's value has fallen too much.

In addition, I realized that I should go to real estate office at least two times.
>> In addition, I realized that I should go to the real estate office at least two times.

Also, the date when I can do these things was fixed, so I can't adjust the date along with my schedule.
>> Correct! Very good sentence!

These are bothering me truely.
>> Correct!
Or: truly

Without a deep consideration, I just followed my friends about investment.
>> Correct!

Consequently, all investments like stock, estate, and coin were screwed.
>> Correct!

It means the elongation of my work time in my life sadly.
>> Correct!

Why did I do that without thinking?
>> Correct!

I should not have done any investment.
>> Correct!

Anyway, today is not busy at the clinic.
>> Correct!

I turned up the volume of classic piano song in my office.
>> I turned up the volume of the classical piano songs in my office.

This music seems a good energy to me despite I don't know well about the classic.
>> This music seems to give good energy to me despite not knowing well about the classics.

I want to go home now, but I can't.
>> Correct!

See you.
>> Correct!
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