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자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
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담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
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Homework

작성자: 김*우
2023-11-26 2453

회원님의 영작문

Hi.
How was your weekend?
There were many procedures including laser, botox, and lifting, nevertheless, the profits were not good relatively these days.
The patient, whom we know that she had an abscess, came to the clinic today.
Fortunately, her symptoms was improved apparently.
There was a severe complaint case.
Dr. MJ removed her moles on her face several months ago, and she insisted that she got a severe scar from that laser treatment, and she said that she wanted to get a money for compensation.
She scolded our counselling manager many times with phone call, and it made our manager depressed.
Thus, I encouraged our manager after today's work.
As a matter of fact, it was not a serious problem, I think.
Meanwhile, there was a family gathering at home this weekend.
To celebrate my father's birthday, my parents and my brother's family came to my house, and we enjoyed lots of food including large crab, pork, kimchi, and raw fish.
And, now my wife and I are totally exhausted.
See you.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi there, Dr. Kim!

My weekend was loaded with work yet, this week already began so, I can say that I am a little tired yet, still have some energy for later.

I just really hope that you will be able to hit your target profit this week. Of course, it needs to be realistic to the circumstances such as the weather as well as your annual analysis of your overall activities. In addition, I also wish that the number of patients who complain will be less as they are causing you to lose profit.

Meanwhile, I think that you are a hero to the old lady patient who had an abscess. Maybe, she felt relieved on her daughters wedding tremendously.

Happy birthday to your father! Parents are rowing old so fast, you need to spend more time with them. Your time with your family is so precious since you cannot meet each of them regularly. It was at least a great bonding time with them. By now, you and your wife need to get some more needed rest

On your sentences below, I noticed longer and very meaningful ones. Keep up the excellent work all the time.

See you soon!

-T. Donna~

Hi.
>> Correct!

How was your weekend?
>> Correct!

There were many procedures including laser, botox, and lifting, nevertheless, the profits were not good relatively these days.
>> Correct!

The patient, whom we know that she had an abscess, came to the clinic today.
>> Correct!
Or: The patient, who had an abscess, came to the clinic today.

Fortunately, her symptoms was improved apparently.
>> Fortunately, her symptoms improved apparently.

There was a severe complaint case.
>> Correct!

Dr. MJ removed her moles on her face several months ago, and she insisted that she got a severe scar from that laser treatment, and she said that she wanted to get a money for compensation.
>> Dr. MJ removed her moles on her face several months ago, and she insisted that she got a severe scar from that laser treatment, and she said that she wanted to get money for compensation. Very good sentence!

She scolded our counselling manager many times with phone call, and it made our manager depressed.
>> She scolded our counselling manager many times with a phone call, and it made our manager depressed.

Thus, I encouraged our manager after today's work.
>> Thus, I will encourage our manager after today's work.

As a matter of fact, it was not a serious problem, I think.
>> Correct!

Meanwhile, there was a family gathering at home this weekend.
>> Correct!

To celebrate my father's birthday, my parents and my brother's family came to my house, and we enjoyed lots of food including large crab, pork, kimchi, and raw fish.
>> Correct! Very good sentence!

And, now my wife and I are totally exhausted.
>> Correct!

See you.
>> Correct!
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