¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What do you prefer, to eat everything you like, drink a lot, smoke, have no physical exercise, and d

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*°æ
2023-11-20 2641

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

No doubt nobody wants to die at the age of 60 which is too young to die in the era when people could overlive 100 years. The longer you live, the happier you will be. On top of that, if you could live a healthy life until your last day, it would be as good as it could be. However, health comes at the expense of turning back from the table full of fancy, fatty foods. So, Nothing sacrificed, nothing good gained. It is even more true for health.

However, there are lots of delicious foods to lure us around. To fight against the temptation is much easier said than done. It takes a strong and willful desire to get in shape and also care and support from those around us to maintain this healthy lifestyle. Life expectancy depends on God's will and plan for each person. But I hope to live as long as my life expectancy is permitted in happiness and health. I hope to accompany God throughout my life and I want to leave my footprints with some books I write about lives.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Steve! Well done on accomplishing your homework! You're doing really well concerning grammar; all of your sentences are correct. However, I sent revisions to improve readability and clarity.
Sincerely,
^^ T. Ara

No doubt nobody wants to die at the age of 60 which is too young to die in the era when people could overlive 100 years. 
>>> CORRECT!
OR >>> No doubt, nobody wants to die at the age of 60, which is too young to die in an era when people could live over 100 years.
The longer you live, the happier you will be. 
>>> CORRECT!
On top of that, if you could live a healthy life until your last day, it would be as good as it could be.
>>> CORRECT!
However, health comes at the expense of turning back from the table full of fancy, fatty foods. 
>>> CORRECT
OR>>> However, health comes at the expense of turning back from a table full of fancy, fatty foods.
So, Nothing sacrificed, nothing good gained. 
>>> CORRECT!
OR>>> Therefore, nothing sacrificed, nothing good gained.
It is even more true for health.
>>> CORRECT!
OR>>> It is particularly true for health.
However, there are lots of delicious foods to lure us around. 
>>> CORRECT!
OR>>> However, there are lots of delicious foods to tempt us around.
To fight against the temptation is much easier said than done. 
>>> CORRECT!
OR>>> "Resisting temptation is easier said than done."
It takes a strong and willful desire to get in shape and also care and support from those around us to maintain this healthy lifestyle. 
>>> CORRECT!
OR>>> It takes a strong and determined desire to get in shape and also care and support from those around us to maintain this healthy lifestyle.
Life expectancy depends on God's will and plan for each person. 
>>> CORRECT!
But I hope to live as long as my life expectancy is permitted in happiness and health. 
>>> CORRECT!
OR>>> "But I hope to live as long as my life expectancy is permitted to, in happiness and health."
I hope to accompany God throughout my life and I want to leave my footprints with some books I write about lives.
>>> CORRECT!
OR>>> I want to leave my footprints on some books I write about lives.



¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
127326 If I become a superhero.. ÀÌ*¿õ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-10 2
127325 Home work ±è*¶õ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-10 1
127324 homework ¹Ú*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-10 1164
127323 Home work Á¶* ¿Ï·á 2023-04-10 1095
127322 The bucket list ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-10 1102
127321 homework ¹Ú*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-10 1035
127320 homework ½Å*ÈÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-10 845
127319 Is English important for an individual in your country? Why or... õ*¶õ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-10 1
127318 What other forms of transportation are less safe in your... ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2023-04-10 2
127317 Do you agree with the expression ¡°once an adulterer, always an... ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-04-10 4
127316 What other best ways to develop one\'s social skills? ·ù*¼± ¿Ï·á 2023-04-10 1
127315 How do you try to learn more about childrearing? ·ù*¼± ¿Ï·á 2023-04-10 1
127314 What American culture/s have you appreciated since you moved... ·ù*¼± ¿Ï·á 2023-04-10 1
127313 Which ice cream flavor do you prefer? Why? ¾Ù* ¿Ï·á 2023-04-10 0
127312 Homework ½Å*È­ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-10 686
127311 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-04-10 1013
127310 Monday Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-04-10 1210
127309 What are some things you shouldn\'t ask people you just met? ±è*¸§ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-10 772
127308 Sci-fi movies ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-10 1
127307 4.10 Homework ¹Ú*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-10 1093

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04