¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What do you prefer, to eat everything you like, drink a lot, smoke, have no physical exercise, and d

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*°æ
2023-11-20 2465

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

No doubt nobody wants to die at the age of 60 which is too young to die in the era when people could overlive 100 years. The longer you live, the happier you will be. On top of that, if you could live a healthy life until your last day, it would be as good as it could be. However, health comes at the expense of turning back from the table full of fancy, fatty foods. So, Nothing sacrificed, nothing good gained. It is even more true for health.

However, there are lots of delicious foods to lure us around. To fight against the temptation is much easier said than done. It takes a strong and willful desire to get in shape and also care and support from those around us to maintain this healthy lifestyle. Life expectancy depends on God's will and plan for each person. But I hope to live as long as my life expectancy is permitted in happiness and health. I hope to accompany God throughout my life and I want to leave my footprints with some books I write about lives.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Steve! Well done on accomplishing your homework! You're doing really well concerning grammar; all of your sentences are correct. However, I sent revisions to improve readability and clarity.
Sincerely,
^^ T. Ara

No doubt nobody wants to die at the age of 60 which is too young to die in the era when people could overlive 100 years. 
>>> CORRECT!
OR >>> No doubt, nobody wants to die at the age of 60, which is too young to die in an era when people could live over 100 years.
The longer you live, the happier you will be. 
>>> CORRECT!
On top of that, if you could live a healthy life until your last day, it would be as good as it could be.
>>> CORRECT!
However, health comes at the expense of turning back from the table full of fancy, fatty foods. 
>>> CORRECT
OR>>> However, health comes at the expense of turning back from a table full of fancy, fatty foods.
So, Nothing sacrificed, nothing good gained. 
>>> CORRECT!
OR>>> Therefore, nothing sacrificed, nothing good gained.
It is even more true for health.
>>> CORRECT!
OR>>> It is particularly true for health.
However, there are lots of delicious foods to lure us around. 
>>> CORRECT!
OR>>> However, there are lots of delicious foods to tempt us around.
To fight against the temptation is much easier said than done. 
>>> CORRECT!
OR>>> "Resisting temptation is easier said than done."
It takes a strong and willful desire to get in shape and also care and support from those around us to maintain this healthy lifestyle. 
>>> CORRECT!
OR>>> It takes a strong and determined desire to get in shape and also care and support from those around us to maintain this healthy lifestyle.
Life expectancy depends on God's will and plan for each person. 
>>> CORRECT!
But I hope to live as long as my life expectancy is permitted in happiness and health. 
>>> CORRECT!
OR>>> "But I hope to live as long as my life expectancy is permitted to, in happiness and health."
I hope to accompany God throughout my life and I want to leave my footprints with some books I write about lives.
>>> CORRECT!
OR>>> I want to leave my footprints on some books I write about lives.



¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
129374 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-07-07 0
129373 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-07-07 2463
129372 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-07-07 0
129371 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-07-07 0
129370 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-07-07 0
129369 HOMEWORK FOR 05/15 Á¶*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-07 1
129368 WRITING TASK: What would you like to share about Korea that most... ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2023-07-07 4
129367 HOMEWORK FOR 05/12 Á¶*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-07 1
129366 Homework ¼Û*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-07 2449
129365 Do you think people who exercise are happier than those who... ¹Ý* ¿Ï·á 2023-07-07 3415
129364 7.7.Fri Ȳ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-07-07 2267
129363 7.6.Thu Ȳ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-07-07 1641
129362 Myhomework Àü*¼± ¿Ï·á 2023-07-07 3625
129361 Myhomework Àü*¼± ¿Ï·á 2023-07-07 2587
129360 What do you think is the biggest change in how families are in... Àå*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-07-07 2676
129359 homework Àå*¼® ¿Ï·á 2023-07-07 1725
129358 How does one\'s character influence their behavior,... ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-07-06 2
129357 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-06 2144
129356 Do you think that students should have a ticket discount in... Á¶*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-06 3034
129355 Do you hobbies that can put you at risk? Why? ¾È*½Ò ¿Ï·á 2023-07-06 2756

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04