¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What do you prefer, to eat everything you like, drink a lot, smoke, have no physical exercise, and d

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*°æ
2023-11-20 2394

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

No doubt nobody wants to die at the age of 60 which is too young to die in the era when people could overlive 100 years. The longer you live, the happier you will be. On top of that, if you could live a healthy life until your last day, it would be as good as it could be. However, health comes at the expense of turning back from the table full of fancy, fatty foods. So, Nothing sacrificed, nothing good gained. It is even more true for health.

However, there are lots of delicious foods to lure us around. To fight against the temptation is much easier said than done. It takes a strong and willful desire to get in shape and also care and support from those around us to maintain this healthy lifestyle. Life expectancy depends on God's will and plan for each person. But I hope to live as long as my life expectancy is permitted in happiness and health. I hope to accompany God throughout my life and I want to leave my footprints with some books I write about lives.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Steve! Well done on accomplishing your homework! You're doing really well concerning grammar; all of your sentences are correct. However, I sent revisions to improve readability and clarity.
Sincerely,
^^ T. Ara

No doubt nobody wants to die at the age of 60 which is too young to die in the era when people could overlive 100 years. 
>>> CORRECT!
OR >>> No doubt, nobody wants to die at the age of 60, which is too young to die in an era when people could live over 100 years.
The longer you live, the happier you will be. 
>>> CORRECT!
On top of that, if you could live a healthy life until your last day, it would be as good as it could be.
>>> CORRECT!
However, health comes at the expense of turning back from the table full of fancy, fatty foods. 
>>> CORRECT
OR>>> However, health comes at the expense of turning back from a table full of fancy, fatty foods.
So, Nothing sacrificed, nothing good gained. 
>>> CORRECT!
OR>>> Therefore, nothing sacrificed, nothing good gained.
It is even more true for health.
>>> CORRECT!
OR>>> It is particularly true for health.
However, there are lots of delicious foods to lure us around. 
>>> CORRECT!
OR>>> However, there are lots of delicious foods to tempt us around.
To fight against the temptation is much easier said than done. 
>>> CORRECT!
OR>>> "Resisting temptation is easier said than done."
It takes a strong and willful desire to get in shape and also care and support from those around us to maintain this healthy lifestyle. 
>>> CORRECT!
OR>>> It takes a strong and determined desire to get in shape and also care and support from those around us to maintain this healthy lifestyle.
Life expectancy depends on God's will and plan for each person. 
>>> CORRECT!
But I hope to live as long as my life expectancy is permitted in happiness and health. 
>>> CORRECT!
OR>>> "But I hope to live as long as my life expectancy is permitted to, in happiness and health."
I hope to accompany God throughout my life and I want to leave my footprints with some books I write about lives.
>>> CORRECT!
OR>>> I want to leave my footprints on some books I write about lives.



¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
130066 Homework ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-08-09 1570
130065 What are some strategies for resolving conflicts and improving... Á¤*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-09 2100
130064 Why do people experience headaches? ±¸*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-08-08 1
130063 08-08 homework. ±è*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-08 3356
130062 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-08 2863
130061 What\'s your thought on people who try to change their... ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-08-08 2
130060 homework 08.08 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2023-08-08 1965
130059 Have you ever felt hesitant to invite someone to join you for an... ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-08-08 1
130058 Homework ½Å*È­ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-08 2236
130057 Did you enjoy eating out in other countries you have visited?... Á¶*Áö ¿Ï·á 2023-08-08 0
130056 Homework ±è* ¿Ï·á 2023-08-08 0
130055 Do you like riding on a plane? ¼Û*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-08-08 1788
130054 The soccer is number one sports in Korea. ¿À*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-08 1
130053 What is your favorite snack? ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-08-08 1437
130052 Homework ÁÖ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-08 1472
130051 What do you think will be the next big breakthrough in... ¹Ý* ¿Ï·á 2023-08-08 2538
130050 What happens when both parents work? ¹Ý* ¿Ï·á 2023-08-08 2035
130049 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-08-08 2889
130048 If you had to live in another country (for always) È«*±â ¿Ï·á 2023-08-08 2173
130047 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-08-08 2682

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04