¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Healthy Food And Unhealthy Food

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¹Ú*À²
2023-11-17 1177

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

There are many healthy and unhealthy snacks in the world.
The healthy snack is an energy bar.
Most people eat this when they do exercise or just eat.
It's because it is very delicious.
Next, unhealthy snacks are jelly and candy.
Hard jelly can harm our teeth.
Also, if we eat them, we can have a cavity.
Therefore we should brush our teeth clearly when we finish to eat.

I usually eat snacks when I arrive at home.
I'm so hungry after school.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Julie!
I would have to confirm some ideas that you have here.
We have to come up with the best way to express these thoughts.
There's always room for improvement.^^
~~ Teacher Sharon
There are many healthy and unhealthy snacks in the world.
>> Correct
The healthy snack is an energy bar.
>> One example of a healthy snack is an energy bar.
Most people eat this when they do exercise or just eat.
>> Correct
It's because it is very delicious.
>> Correct
Next, unhealthy snacks are jelly and candy.
>> Next, some examples of unhealthy snacks are jelly and candy.
Hard jelly can harm our teeth.
>> Correct
Also, if we eat them, we can have a cavity.
>> Correct
Therefore we should brush our teeth clearly when we finish to eat.
>> Therefore we should brush our teeth well after eating. 
I usually eat snacks when I arrive at home.
>> Correct
I'm so hungry after school.
>> Correct
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
129421 Home work ±è* ¿Ï·á 2023-07-10 1
129420 My remember traveling Á¤*Ãá ¿Ï·á 2023-07-10 1221
129419 What makes you happy? ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-07-10 916
129418 Homework ÀÌ*È­ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-10 2954
129417 What do you tell someone who lends you something? How about... Á¶*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-07-10 3433
129416 Home work ±è*¶õ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-10 2
129415 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-10 0
129414 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-10 0
129413 In your opinion, is it important for everyone to learn English?... ¾Ù* ¿Ï·á 2023-07-10 0
129412 Myhomework Àü*¼± ¿Ï·á 2023-07-10 1560
129411 How can you prepare for potential risks? °ø*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-07-10 1138
129410 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-07-10 1276
129409 Today\'s homework ÀÌ*µµ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-10 1156
129408 Which chores do you not like to do? ±è*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-10 1653
129407 Supporting ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-10 1
129406 The most beautiful place in my city ±è*¸² ¿Ï·á 2023-07-10 1159
129405 7.10.Mon Ȳ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-07-10 2251
129404 DIRECTION: Choose the right causative verbs. ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2023-07-10 1
129403 monk ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-10 1155
129402 5.July.2023 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-10 2

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04