¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Healthy Food And Unhealthy Food

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¹Ú*À²
2023-11-17 1141

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

There are many healthy and unhealthy snacks in the world.
The healthy snack is an energy bar.
Most people eat this when they do exercise or just eat.
It's because it is very delicious.
Next, unhealthy snacks are jelly and candy.
Hard jelly can harm our teeth.
Also, if we eat them, we can have a cavity.
Therefore we should brush our teeth clearly when we finish to eat.

I usually eat snacks when I arrive at home.
I'm so hungry after school.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Julie!
I would have to confirm some ideas that you have here.
We have to come up with the best way to express these thoughts.
There's always room for improvement.^^
~~ Teacher Sharon
There are many healthy and unhealthy snacks in the world.
>> Correct
The healthy snack is an energy bar.
>> One example of a healthy snack is an energy bar.
Most people eat this when they do exercise or just eat.
>> Correct
It's because it is very delicious.
>> Correct
Next, unhealthy snacks are jelly and candy.
>> Next, some examples of unhealthy snacks are jelly and candy.
Hard jelly can harm our teeth.
>> Correct
Also, if we eat them, we can have a cavity.
>> Correct
Therefore we should brush our teeth clearly when we finish to eat.
>> Therefore we should brush our teeth well after eating. 
I usually eat snacks when I arrive at home.
>> Correct
I'm so hungry after school.
>> Correct
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
129987 What\'s your opinion about a four-day work week? ¼Û*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-05 968
129986 Today\'s homework ÀÌ*µµ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-05 1016
129985 How do you balance the desire to see and experience as much as... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-08-05 1918
129984 What\'s your ideal weekend? What\'s the perfect weekend for you? ¿À*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-05 13
129983 Diary ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-05 0
129982 In your opinion, what is insomnia? Please give its pros (if it... ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-05 1079
129981 Getting enough sleep helps heal your body from any pain or... ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-05 1150
129980 What are the advantages and disdvantages of wacthing the... ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-08-05 1942
129979 What do you like best about camping? ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-05 3
129978 Answer the following questions in full sentences. ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-08-04 1571
129977 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-04 1506
129976 What do you do when you feel anxious about something? ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-08-04 2
129975 homework 08.04 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2023-08-04 1118
129974 Choose one that you like chocolate, ice cream or candies why? ¼Û*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-08-04 991
129973 Homework ÁÖ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-04 1427
129972 How can pets contribute to the overall well-being and... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-08-04 1245
129971 How do you conserve energy? ±¸*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-08-04 1181
129970 What are some ways in saving the earth? ±¸*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-08-04 1500
129969 My personality with some adjectives. ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-04 1413
129968 What kind of self-defense do you know? ÀÌ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-04 1487

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04