¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Healthy Food And Unhealthy Food

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¹Ú*À²
2023-11-17 2342

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

There are many healthy and unhealthy snacks in the world.
The healthy snack is an energy bar.
Most people eat this when they do exercise or just eat.
It's because it is very delicious.
Next, unhealthy snacks are jelly and candy.
Hard jelly can harm our teeth.
Also, if we eat them, we can have a cavity.
Therefore we should brush our teeth clearly when we finish to eat.

I usually eat snacks when I arrive at home.
I'm so hungry after school.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Julie!
I would have to confirm some ideas that you have here.
We have to come up with the best way to express these thoughts.
There's always room for improvement.^^
~~ Teacher Sharon
There are many healthy and unhealthy snacks in the world.
>> Correct
The healthy snack is an energy bar.
>> One example of a healthy snack is an energy bar.
Most people eat this when they do exercise or just eat.
>> Correct
It's because it is very delicious.
>> Correct
Next, unhealthy snacks are jelly and candy.
>> Next, some examples of unhealthy snacks are jelly and candy.
Hard jelly can harm our teeth.
>> Correct
Also, if we eat them, we can have a cavity.
>> Correct
Therefore we should brush our teeth clearly when we finish to eat.
>> Therefore we should brush our teeth well after eating. 
I usually eat snacks when I arrive at home.
>> Correct
I'm so hungry after school.
>> Correct
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
136794 How do you want your future to be? ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-29 1171
136793 Do you think motorcycles will dominate roads in your country in... ±Ç*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-04-29 2
136792 Does the accuracy of pronunciation hold importance? If so, why? ±Ç*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-04-29 2
136791 Difference between brave and foolhardy ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-29 1381
136790 Have you ever taken part in a singing competition? ±è*¿í ¿Ï·á 2024-04-29 1466
136789 Page 2 ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-04-29 0
136788 What was the last product you bought? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-04-28 5
136787 How convenient is public transportation in your area? Áø*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-28 2
136786 Have you taken any risks recently? ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-28 1737
136785  Is there anything special that you do to stay healthy?... Áø*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-28 3
136784 Which do you want to visit?Why? ÃÖ*ÇÑ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-28 2399
136783 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-04-28 2
136782 The effect of inflaion on procurement. ±è*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-04-28 1167
136781 howework ÇÑ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-28 1
136780 What do you think of Korean idol boy groups? Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-28 1467
136779 What\'s the most popular toy you know? Write about it. Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-04-28 1530
136778 How can we get ready for a disaster and deal with it? Ȳ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-04-28 1212
136777 Homework À±*¼± ¿Ï·á 2024-04-27 1559
136776 What is the best thing to do to overcome stress? ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-04-26 1267
136775 A long face ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-04-26 1914

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04