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영작교정 게시판

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What do you hope to have achieved by the time you\'re seventy-five?

작성자: 김*경
2023-11-16 877

회원님의 영작문

Above all, by the time I’ll be 75 years old, I hope my children can settle down on their own after getting good job and I want my children to stand up on their own feet. So I am going to help them raise their children-my grandchildren so that they can accomplish their plan in career.
Second, I want to be a teacher who teaches English, Science to students ranging from elementary students to high school students before it's too late. That’s because I can get more passionate when I teach my children. If I am offered to be a teacher, regardless of private tutor or anything. providing I can get by on a salary from that job. I want to work as a teacher for the rest of my life. I don’t want to spend a day of my life in what I don’t want to do any more. I want to be as fervent as I can in profession. I never want to work because I just get paid a single day.
Lastly, I want to master the Bible and know what to do as a Christian because I believe in God and the afterlife He promises.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi Steve! Fantastic work on your homework—your sentences are all grammatically correct. Here's a revised version for your consideration.
Sincerely,
^^ T. Ara

Above all, by the time I’ll be 75 years old, I hope my children can settle down on their own after getting good job and I want my children to stand up on their own feet. 
>>> CORRECT!
OR>>> As I approach 75, my main hope is that my children will have settled down, secured good jobs, and become independent.
So I am going to help them raise their children-my grandchildren so that they can accomplish their plan in career.
>>> CORRECT!
OR>>> I plan to assist them in raising my grandchildren and supporting their career goals.
Second, I want to be a teacher who teaches English, Science to students ranging from elementary students to high school students before it's too late. 
>>> CORRECT!
OR>>> Additionally, I aspire to become a teacher, instructing students in English and Science from elementary to high school levels before it's too late.
That’s because I can get more passionate when I teach my children. 
>>> CORRECT!
OR>>> Teaching brings out my passion, and I'm open to any teaching opportunity, whether as a private tutor, as long as the salary is sufficient.
If I am offered to be a teacher, regardless of private tutor or anything. 
>>> CORRECT!
providing I can get by on a salary from that job. 
>>> CORRECT!
I want to work as a teacher for the rest of my life. 
>>> CORRECT!
OR>>> My aim is to continue working as a teacher for the rest of my life.
I don’t want to spend a day of my life in what I don’t want to do any more. 
>>> CORRECT!
I want to be as fervent as I can in profession. 
>>> CORRECT!
OR>>> I desire to be dedicated and fervent in my profession, never working just for the sake of a paycheck.
I never want to work because I just get paid a single day.
>>> CORRECT!
Lastly, I want to master the Bible and know what to do as a Christian because I believe in God and the afterlife He promises.
>>> CORRECT!
OR>>> Lastly, I want to master the Bible and understand how to live as a Christian because of my belief in God and the afterlife He promises.




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