¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Do you think people have fewer goals as they get older?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*°æ
2023-11-16 2391

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think people could have fewer goals to pursue as they get older and older because they¡¯ve come to know their place and limitation. In other words, they get more down to earth about lives as they get older. However, the odds for them to win something can go up because they can concentrate their time and abilities on fewer things. They get wiser through their lives full of ups and downs, knowing how to live wisely. This select and concentration strategy can be a powerful tool to complete something. Just dabbling in many things can¡¯t lead us to completions. Therefore, in this respect, we should know ourselves, namely, what to do the best or the worst, what drives us to keep focused, etc. And we also should help our children know themselves as early as possible because I believe God puts some hints of our aptitude and talents inside us somewhere and puts seeds of power and ability in dormant in us as well. So if we seek to know about ourselves, I believe we can live a much happier life.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Steve! Great job on tackling your homework with diligence. Regarding this topic, your sentences are all grammatically correct. I've made a revision for you to review.
Sincerely,
^^ T. Ara


I think people could have fewer goals to pursue as they get older and older because they¡¯ve come to know their place and limitation. 
>>> CORRECT!!
OR>>> As people age, they may have fewer goals due to a better understanding of their place and limitations.
In other words, they get more down to earth about lives as they get older. 
>>> CORRECT!!
OR>>> In simpler terms, they become more realistic about life.
However, the odds for them to win something can go up because they can concentrate their time and abilities on fewer things. 
>>> CORRECT!!
OR>>> However, their chances of success can increase as they focus on a few key things.
They get wiser through their lives full of ups and downs, knowing how to live wisely. 
>>> CORRECT!!
OR>>> Through life's experiences, they grow wiser and learn how to live wisely.
This select and concentration strategy can be a powerful tool to complete something. 
>>> CORRECT!!
OR>>> Concentrating on specific goals can be a powerful strategy for achieving something.
Just dabbling in many things can¡¯t lead us to completions. 
>>> CORRECT!!
OR>>> Dabbling in many things without focus doesn't lead to completion.
Therefore, in this respect, we should know ourselves, namely, what to do the best or the worst, what drives us to keep focused, etc. 
>>> CORRECT!!
OR>>> So, it's crucial to know ourselves – what we excel at or struggle with, what keeps us focused, etc.
And we also should help our children know themselves as early as possible because I believe God puts some hints of our aptitude and talents inside us somewhere and puts seeds of power and ability in dormant in us as well. 
>>> CORRECT!!
OR>>> It's also vital to help children discover themselves early. I believe God provides hints about our abilities and talents, placing dormant seeds of power within us.
So if we seek to know about ourselves, I believe we can live a much happier life.
>>> CORRECT!!
OR>>> Understanding ourselves allows us to lead happier lives.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
130942 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-09-11 1609
130941 Writing Exercise: What was your biggest challenge this week?... ¼­*ÅÃ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-11 1857
130940 Writing Exercise: Why is getting enough sleep good for your... ¼­*ÅÃ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-11 1202
130939 Writing Exercise: How do you usually take care of yourself when... ¼­*ÅÃ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-11 954
130938 Homework ½Å*È­ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-11 1071
130937 Homework ½Å*È­ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-11 1543
130936 Homework JA*UNG CHUNG ¿Ï·á 2023-09-11 2078
130935 homework ¾È*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-11 1016
130934 Can you describe a recent experience that taught you something... ÀÌ*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-11 974
130933 What\'s an experience you\'ve had that made you feel the most... ÀÌ*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-11 1146
130932 DIRECTIONS: Make a short dialogue using \'because\' and... ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2023-09-11 3
130931 What do you do when you have complaints about a co-worker? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-11 1561
130930 When is it appropriate to complain something about your job? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-11 1650
130929 The disadvantages of taking too much medicine ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-11 1720
130928 tips ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-11 1373
130927 08.Sep.2023 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-11 1
130926 How is going to a good university important in your country? ±¸*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-09-11 1825
130925 What is the advantage of multitasking? ±¸*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-09-11 1608
130924 How do you feel when you are alone? ±¸*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-09-11 1374
130923 homework Àå*¼® ¿Ï·á 2023-09-11 1829

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04