¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Do you think people have fewer goals as they get older?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*°æ
2023-11-16 1848

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think people could have fewer goals to pursue as they get older and older because they¡¯ve come to know their place and limitation. In other words, they get more down to earth about lives as they get older. However, the odds for them to win something can go up because they can concentrate their time and abilities on fewer things. They get wiser through their lives full of ups and downs, knowing how to live wisely. This select and concentration strategy can be a powerful tool to complete something. Just dabbling in many things can¡¯t lead us to completions. Therefore, in this respect, we should know ourselves, namely, what to do the best or the worst, what drives us to keep focused, etc. And we also should help our children know themselves as early as possible because I believe God puts some hints of our aptitude and talents inside us somewhere and puts seeds of power and ability in dormant in us as well. So if we seek to know about ourselves, I believe we can live a much happier life.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Steve! Great job on tackling your homework with diligence. Regarding this topic, your sentences are all grammatically correct. I've made a revision for you to review.
Sincerely,
^^ T. Ara


I think people could have fewer goals to pursue as they get older and older because they¡¯ve come to know their place and limitation. 
>>> CORRECT!!
OR>>> As people age, they may have fewer goals due to a better understanding of their place and limitations.
In other words, they get more down to earth about lives as they get older. 
>>> CORRECT!!
OR>>> In simpler terms, they become more realistic about life.
However, the odds for them to win something can go up because they can concentrate their time and abilities on fewer things. 
>>> CORRECT!!
OR>>> However, their chances of success can increase as they focus on a few key things.
They get wiser through their lives full of ups and downs, knowing how to live wisely. 
>>> CORRECT!!
OR>>> Through life's experiences, they grow wiser and learn how to live wisely.
This select and concentration strategy can be a powerful tool to complete something. 
>>> CORRECT!!
OR>>> Concentrating on specific goals can be a powerful strategy for achieving something.
Just dabbling in many things can¡¯t lead us to completions. 
>>> CORRECT!!
OR>>> Dabbling in many things without focus doesn't lead to completion.
Therefore, in this respect, we should know ourselves, namely, what to do the best or the worst, what drives us to keep focused, etc. 
>>> CORRECT!!
OR>>> So, it's crucial to know ourselves – what we excel at or struggle with, what keeps us focused, etc.
And we also should help our children know themselves as early as possible because I believe God puts some hints of our aptitude and talents inside us somewhere and puts seeds of power and ability in dormant in us as well. 
>>> CORRECT!!
OR>>> It's also vital to help children discover themselves early. I believe God provides hints about our abilities and talents, placing dormant seeds of power within us.
So if we seek to know about ourselves, I believe we can live a much happier life.
>>> CORRECT!!
OR>>> Understanding ourselves allows us to lead happier lives.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
132732 What\'s the most important thing to do to handle and accept... ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-11-24 942
132731 What different ways are there to cook potatoes? ÃÖ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-11-24 1222
132730 Would you like dual nationality? What are the benefits? ¿¡*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-11-24 1
132729 The last time I stayed over ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-11-24 1274
132728 I go to karaoke when I\'m stressed out. ±è*ºó ¿Ï·á 2023-11-24 2
132727 homework 11.24 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2023-11-24 1205
132726 Would you rather clean your room or wash the dishes after dinner? ¼Û*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-11-24 996
132725 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2023-11-24 1
132724 homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2023-11-24 948
132723 Do you think Christmas is the best holiday of the year? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-11-24 1158
132722 HOMEWORK: Please write a short paragraph about \"Is it really... ¾Ù* ¿Ï·á 2023-11-24 2
132721 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-11-24 1738
132720 Meeting the deadlines ÀÓ*Áø ¿Ï·á 2023-11-24 1912
132719 homework Á¤*¾È ¿Ï·á 2023-11-24 0
132718 What would you feel if one of your colleagues talked bad about... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2023-11-24 1507
132717 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-11-24 1
132716 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-11-24 0
132715 Are you ambitious enough to achieve the goals you set? ½Å*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-11-24 1092
132714 What is it about junk food that is so bad for us? À±*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2023-11-24 4
132713 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-11-24 0

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04